There is the manipulator. To each his own, but everyone feels it coming. Syrupy, he masters his subject passing over the weakest, putting himself in the pocket of the best placed and, with the expertise of a chess star, achieves his ends. Often, the team where he circulated no longer exists as a collective, but he triumphs. There is also the “black sheep”, this employee who goes from service to service and honors a terrible reputation. When the time comes to recover this unlivable person who is ostracized even before integrating him, it is also too late for the manager who sees his group implode. Harmony is no more. “The black sheep like the manipulator exist insofar as their toxicity is felt within the collectives. We cannot deny it. It is a reality that takes different forms”, indicates Lionel Neveux, occupational psychologist and senior manager at Alter Nego.
“If we consider that this person acts knowingly and voluntarily builds a toxic system, there is a potential reading and analysis deficit,” he continues. Some see narcissistic perverts everywhere. Wrongly because it is a disease that comes under psychiatry and there are probably fewer of them than you might imagine. On the other hand, there are attitudes that resemble those of a narcissistic pervert. “We have to look at their history,” suggests the expert. She was an uneventful and very wise little girl, sing Goldman. Far from Sarah, innocent with clear eyes, the adult builds up defense mechanisms. These mechanisms often have their origins in the way he has been managed and viewed during his career. He fashions himself a functioning to survive in his professional environment. “This behavior is often a symptom, but what is this symptom about, what is the underlying need? This questioning is within the scope of the manager, even sometimes at the junction of the manager and HR. the toxicity felt by people within the collective, because it generates individual suffering”.
“The manipulator only exists in a place that is manipulable”
Moreover, if we see in a colleague a “black sheep” and we are convinced of the voluntary malevolence of this individual, “we can very quickly find ourselves, individually and collectively, in a form of self-fulfilling prophecy” . This person’s inappropriate behavior precedes them when they change departments and, with the reputational effect, we risk finding ourselves in the same patterns in this new group: “I was told so…”. However, very often the manager exercises, out of fear, a micromanagement which confirms that this individual is appalling… whereas the solution could be to give him a chance to explain himself or to act differently. Lionel Neveux offers to give him the benefit of the doubt. Do not attach a label to him and let him express himself differently “by going into contact with him with, among other things, the communication caution of CNV (non-violent communication), and emotional intelligence, to give yourself the means to understand him. , and to create a story different from the previous one”. At the same time, we define and clarify the readable rules and processes – who decides what? When ? – “to enforce them with assertiveness and avoid internal case law, in order to ensure that this toxicity gradually disappears”.
According to Gilles Riou, psychologist and founding president of Egidio, “the manipulator only exists in a place that is manipulable”. Its objective is to ensure that authority can no longer be exercised normally. He thwarts the role of his superior and manipulates the work environment. “Each can be a manipulator, asking the other for a service”, warns the expert. The “can you do this for me?” should not become a habit. “Manipulation tests loyalty”. The “you go through me”, “I’ll fix it for you” are all traps in which the manipulators rush with corrupt pacts. Like Lionel Neveux, Gilles Riou campaigns for “simple rules” to apply. Consolidate what is not. Stick to actions, not feelings or trials of intention. Above all, be wary of the “values” of the company, dangerous according to him. “Ideals that are too high lead to deviations from reality”. Tartuffe is not far. The best weapon of mass destruction against manipulation? “Dare the right to make mistakes and show what the company can do!”