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Do you have trouble dealing with arguments with your partner? Know that a tip, very easy to implement, allows you to defuse the conflict.
Because of something left unsaid, an evening, a friend who has been too present lately… A marital argument quickly arose. The escalation, often rapid, then leaves room for multiple tensions. To avoid them, good news, a solution exists… which allows you to stop the conflict in time!
An “intentional downtime”
If arguments are inevitable in a relationship – even sometimes necessary – “l‘escalating negativity doesn’t have to be part of the equation’explains Rachel Diamond, therapist, to Psychology Today.
Indeed, because of emotion or one’s own romantic history, it is easy to shout at the other person, or even to make derogatory/hurtful remarks.
To avoid getting to this point – and for said conflict to affect the relationship – the therapist recommends setting up an “intentional time out”. In other words, a form of “digestive” break in the argument.
But before making this well-deserved stop, the specialist recommends carrying out a self-analysis.
“If you feel physical changes in your body, such as an increased heart rate, tense muscles, or an increase in body temperature, the conflict may be becoming serious. In these moments, we feel overwhelmed and prefer to flee the discussion to escape the conflict. However, when it arrives, it becomes difficult to get rid of it. For intentional downtime to work, it is then necessary to analyze its behavior“, she assures, before adding “If you feel unsettled or overwhelmed […] the conversation risks getting out of hand. Partners need to ensure they are physically, emotionally and psychologically able to engage in difficult discussions.”
Good in his body, good in his head!
Be transparent with others
In fact, how to achieve this break?
According to the expert, transparency is necessary: you must indicate to your partner (using the “I”) that you are not “emotionally available” at this precise moment of the conflict. For example, “I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I want to be able to hear you and vice versa. Let’s take a break.”
Be careful, however, not to frustrate the other person: this is a break and not a definitive stop – you will come back to him later to finish this discussion. Thanks to this attitude, you show the other person that you are not fleeing the situation.
Then, on the “break” itself, if the substance and the form belong to you, going out to get some fresh air for a few minutes may be a good idea. The ideal is to entrust the other person with the time you return.
Afterwards, “resume the discussion at the T moment in order to demonstrate commitment to the relationship“, explains the expert before specifying that”if one partner is still not willing to recommit, they should propose a new time for discussion“.
Slide: Couple: 10 ways to reestablish contact after an argument