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in collaboration with
Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Do you tend to be very lenient with others but much harder with yourself? If this is the case, a rethinking is necessary and involves asking yourself these three questions in particular, as advised by Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
The least self-indulgent people constantly criticize themselves. “When we focus on our failures, our faults and have very high demands on ourselves, the risk of permanently criticizing ourselves is great.” confirms Siyana Mincheva.
“However, these same people who seek perfection are often more lenient with those around them” she adds. It is important to be aware of this, according to the expert, by asking ourselves if we spoke to our friends in the same way as we speak to ourselves, would they remain our friends ?
Have an indulgent view of yourself
If the answer to this question is no, you urgently need to have more compassion for yourself. Which is not an easy thing. “It is more difficult to demonstrate self-compassion because humans tend to have higher expectations of themselves” notes Siyana Mincheva.
Ask yourself three questions to get there
To move towards this objective, the psychologist recommends asking yourself three questions and answering them honestly.
- If I were to treat myself the way I treat the people I care about, what would that look like in terms of action and behavior?
- What consequences would this have for the way I interpret my own failures and shortcomings?
- How would this manifest in my interactions with others?
“These three questions help you become softer and more flexible towards yourself” assures the expert.
Good in his body, good in his head!
“Firstly, it is essential to strengthen his self-confidence” estimates the psychologist. “Generally, there is a fear in being too easy on yourself, because you think that the harder you are, the more your goals will be achieved.”
On the contrary, Siyana Mincheva recommends thinking about yourself and preserving yourself by being kind to yourself. “We must tell ourselves that we are a precious person, who deserves to feel serene and to be well“. By being lenient towards ourselves, “reduces our anxiety, it allows us to accept ourselves as we are by eliminating certain difficulties” she concludes.
Slide: 10 misconceptions about self-confidence