Around 200,000 Swedes are estimated to suffer from eating disorders at some point in their lives. One of them was Gustav Eriksson, who became healthy and free from his eating disorder about two and a half years ago – after keeping it a secret from his family for ten years.
– I lied to everyone around me, my facade was that I was happy. You become an expert at deceiving those around you and you shouldn’t blame your relatives for not seeing, he says.
For Gustav, the problems started when he was around 20 years old. He felt bad without really knowing why, and had a hard time talking about his feelings. Instead, he kept everything inside.
– And all of a sudden I vomited, during a time when I also felt alone. I don’t really know why I did it, but I knew it was wrong somehow. At the same time, I felt that I got a good response afterwards, because I felt like a calmness in my body. So it became a way for me to calm myself down.
“The eating disorder took over”
In the beginning, Gustav describes that it was not that dangerous, but as the problems started, they escalated more and more.
– I started training quite a lot. I deflected, bulked, but still I wasn’t happy with what I saw at all. I could always be better. That was precisely the aspiration I had constantly. And if I couldn’t reach that aspiration, I suppressed it by eliminating food or exercising even more. And if I missed a training session, I made up for it by training extra the next day, he says.
According to Klara Edlund, psychologist, precisely this pursuit of the unattainable is a typical symptom of an eating disorder. She explains that it is tricky to understand what is an eating disorder and what is not, as many people themselves do not understand that they are ill. Which was also the case for Gustav.
– I thought that if I become a father, I will forget about my own problems. But it was rather the opposite that I forgot about myself so my problems got bigger. And it became difficult because I wanted to be a good father but still the eating disorder took over.
The daughter was the way out
One evening, when Gustav was going to read a bedtime story to his daughter, he had such a sore throat, from getting rid of the food, that he just lay there and wheezed.
– It became a warning bell that this does not affect not only myself but also my surroundings, he says.
Every now and then Gustav heard from a priest who urged him to seek help.
– I contacted the eating disorder clinic and after that I started my treatment, which lasted a year.
Is there help to be had
According to Edlund, an eating disorder is a very serious condition, with a potentially fatal outcome. But just like in Gustav’s case, it is possible to recover completely from an eating disorder and there is professional help available.
– I do not recommend trying on your own. I rather think that you should seek professional help early, she says.
Gustav got the help he needed and after a year of hard work he recovered from his eating disorder. Today, Gustav feels well and has a completely different view of food and exercise.
– I understand the importance of getting food at the right time and I know what happens to me if I don’t get it. It may seem like basic stuff, but to me it was vital. You should know that the treatment can take quite a lot of energy, but it is worth it. Because in the end you can really become healthy and free from these thoughts that appear, he says.