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In romantic relationships, commitment can be a source of conflict. For some, getting married and having children are unavoidable steps in their lives, while others experience a deep fear at the idea of becoming so firmly attached to a person. This is called “gamophobia”.
Commitment is a big step in romantic relationships. While some people want to get married and start a family, others are frightened by the idea of being tied to the same person for life. This is called gamophobia. Concretely, this term refers to the intense fear of marriage and commitment. Gamophobia results in strong anxiety and an irresistible desire to escape the relationship. As with other phobias, these symptoms can last a long time, sometimes six months to several years.
Fear of losing one’s independence, of reliving breakups…
According to Caroline Kruse, marriage and family counselor, interviewed by the Doctissimo site, individuals are often afraid of losing their independence. “We are afraid of losing the autonomy gained since we left our parents. Sometimes, it also reflects the fear of not being able to meet the other’s demands.“, analyzes the therapist. She also explains that growing up with parents who argued without offering a solid couple model can make it difficult to trust commitment in adulthood.
According to Mark Travers, psychologist and columnist for Psychology Todaypast romantic relationships also contribute to gamophobia: “Those who have suffered from abusive relationships may develop a deep fear of commitment as a defense mechanism to avoid emotional turmoil“, he explains. According to the psychologist, gamophobia would then act as a shield, protecting individuals from the potential emotional pain linked to commitment.
In some cases, it may also be possible underlying relationship issues. Among them, attachment disorders, fear of intimacy, or even low self-esteem, which can also promote gamophobia. And this phobia is not without consequences. It can cause you to withdraw into yourself, and subsequently affect your relationship. A lack of understanding sets in within the couple, leading to conflict or even a breakup.
Consider another vision of the couple
To remedy this phobia, the psychologist recommends establishing rituals and ceremonies symbolizing commitment within the couple. By citing a study conducted in 2020 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, psychologist Mark Travers states that “Rituals can change couples’ perceptions of their partners, offering them the opportunity to see them in a new light“These rituals can take the form of small daily habits or real ceremonies, symbolizing shared experiences.”For example, if you both have a special connection to pear trees since childhood, planting a pear tree in your garden could mark your commitment to nurturing your connection just as you would with the tree” suggests Travers.
Considering another vision of the couple is also a solution. The psychologist suggests finding lifestyles that are consistent with the partner’s values, such as separate marriage (partners live separately even while married). There is also the companionship relationship, which favors emotional intimacy rather than sexual relations. Thus, gamophobic people would no longer be subject to traditional romantic expectations.