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For many couples, vacations can be a breath of fresh air because they allow you to spend more time together in a calmer and more enchanting setting than the rest of the year. On the other hand, for other couples, being together 24/7 can have the effect of exacerbating pre-existing tensions. What if temporary separation was a way to save your relationship?
The station wagon has always had a bad press. No doubt because it makes those who suffer it fear a definitive rupture not assumed by the person asking for it. But contrary to what one might believe, temporary separation can be a way, for some couples in crisis, to save the relationship. Explanations from Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist.
Doctissimo: Can temporary separation when the couple is in crisis avoid a permanent separation?
Johanna Rozenblum : There is nothing dramatic in considering a time of separation if the decision is joint and the aim is to initiate mutual reflection on the difficulties to be overcome. Being alone allows you to introspect and soothe negative emotions that could pollute your thoughts. At a distance from the other, it is possible to listen to each other more, to try to understand the spouse’s point of view and to analyze the couple’s problems and the ways of trying to resolve them without having to manage the turbulence generated by the crisis situation.
Johanna Rozenblum : When we are no longer able to regulate our emotions, when anger, animosity or reproaches no longer make it possible to give meaning to the couple, or when we are no longer able to envisage the future as a couple. This break time will aim to reflect on the possibility of a common future or the need for everyone to take a new path.
Should we establish a framework before putting temporary separation into practice?
Johanna Rozenblum : Yes, ideally, especially if one person in the couple is more interested in this break than the other. This will avoid plunging the partner into an anxiety-provoking climate that is difficult to manage due to uncertainty. Setting a framework will also help to lead your thinking since at the defined time, it will be a question of meeting up to discuss what the break allowed you to understand. This framework can be translated into simple rules such as setting a break period during which we will try not to join each other, committing to thinking about certain points of tension defined in advance and which will be addressed at the time of reunion. , also do some introspection so as not to focus only on the other or try to think about practical solutions in order to resolve problems rather than stopping at findings of disagreement.
When should you consider final separation?
Johanna Rozenblum : When love has transformed into friendship or the romantic feeling has disappeared, and of course when the couple no longer allows them to be happy, to flourish, to project themselves into a common future.