When someone in one’s life dies, life changes in both small and large ways. Everyday life can feel heavy and missing the person can overshadow everything else.
It is also not entirely unusual for one’s friendships to be affected by the death. At least that’s what it means Victoria Milosevskasenior physician in psychiatry, because it can be difficult to talk about grief.
– You are human by nature, which means that you avoid what is difficult. We don’t want to get into uncomfortable conversations, she says News24.
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Viktorija Milosevska: “Put aside emotions and drive on”
Viktorija Milosevska tells Nyheter24 that all people have different grief processes, but there are three clear categories to place these in.
It’s about “freeze”, “fright” and “flight”.
Freeze behaviors refer to people who become paralyzed by grief and adversity. If a close relative dies, you can therefore feel paralyzed and unable to work, take care of yourself or see family or friends.
Flight behaviors can be recognized when a person escapes from grief by putting more energy into their work to avoid thinking about what is difficult, and fight behaviors are characterized by the person fighting instead of escaping from grief.
– We react differently because we are different people. When someone passes away, you react based on your previous experiences and personality, says Viktorija Milosevska and adds:
– During the corona pandemic, there were many people who died suddenly, then it became clear that many people put twice as much time into work to avoid thinking and take in the grief. You push your feelings aside and drive on.
Many people find it difficult to talk about the grief after the death of a relative, says Viktorija Milosevska. Photo: Fredrik Sandberg/TT
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“No one asks what they really feel”
To get through the grief, support from loved ones is important.
Viktorija Milosevska therefore thinks that relatives should ask the bereaved how they are doing, or show their support by helping with practical tasks that can feel difficult when you are unwell.
What you shouldn’t do, however, is pull away from the person who is grieving, or just say “I’m sorry” without delving into how they are feeling.
– People often say “I’m sorry”, but no one asks what they actually feel. Are you sad or angry? Are you ashamed? You don’t ask that, says Viktorija Milosevska to Nyheter24 and continues:
– You can be angry because you lose someone. You can be sad. You can be frustrated when you meet others who don’t really understand. People think they shouldn’t bother this person because they are having a hard time. But the one who mourns wants to be disturbed. It wants people to offer their help.
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Viktorija Milosevska thinks that the support of loved ones is important when grieving. The picture is a genre picture. Photo: Kallestad, Gorm /TT
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