“With the digitization of human relationships, it is difficult to guess the intentions of others”

What is the genesis of this book?

It probably started from a certain fed up as mentioned in my introduction: the number of ‘bullshit’ that we can read about communication – verbal and non-verbal – is distressing! ‘He is scratching his nose so he is lying, he used such and such a word so that means that…’ From this point of view, social networks are the big supermarket of nonsense. So I wanted to put things straight, thanks to the latest scientific discoveries on the subject.

Why is it important to analyze, or decipher, the words and gestures of your interlocutor?

This allows us to determine intentions and a state of mind at the moment T. In other words, deciphering the gestures and words of his interlocutor allows us to bring out what is not always said, assumed, or even made aware by this last. Can you imagine the time saved?

Unless you are dealing with a mythomaniac person, or an expert liar, don’t gestures tend to systematically accompany words?

It is actually much more fundamental and profound than that. The gesture cannot be reduced to its purely ‘co-verbal’ or even ‘rhetorical’ dimension – we make gestures to look pretty, or to amplify the discourse. No ! For us linguists, the gesture is ‘ideatorial’. This means that it enables cognitive activity. Without gesture, no ideas.

You say in the book that a simple sentence can make it possible to guess the personality, even the psychological state, of a potential interlocutor. How is it possible ?

In fact, we have little control over the course of our speech. In casual conversation, for example, you hardly consciously choose which ‘semantic labels’ you utter. Even less do you choose the precise arrangement of what are called “tool words”, which are the little words that seem insignificant to you, such as articles, pronouns, etc. And yet, how you associate them together creates your verbal signature.

What are the main gestures that can hide stress or discomfort?

It depends on what stress we are talking about. There are three different types whose manifestations are very divergent. In the case of struggle stress (‘I break’), we observe many items of aggressiveness, sometimes with signs or clues that seem anecdotal but already prepare the passage to the act. In escape stress (‘I’m breaking’), we observe rather gesticulation items. Finally in the stress of inhibition (‘I’m broken’), we observe rather a general softness of the body. In all cases, the discomfort is also betrayed at the paraverbal level, that is to say at the level of the voice: stuttering, hesitation, jerky rhythm, speech interruptions, etc.

It is indeed a social phenomenon that I had fun depicting in a portrait of an idiot in particular: the never-satisfied idiot. This manifests itself in different forms. For example, under the dimension of a ‘passive aggressive’ dynamic, or under the dimension you mention, silent resignation. It’s about doing as little as possible. It is one of the forms of disobedience. It could be accepting a task and then backing off at the last minute, taking weeks to complete a simple task, deliberately hiding information, making mistakes, even ‘accidentally’ breaking things, ‘without having done it on purpose’. These are scenarios that should alert.

The question of lying is thorny. I refer you to the thirty or so pages that I have written on the subject in order to correctly understand the biases. That being said, there are a few tricks to confusing a liar or a liar. For example, preaching the false to know the true is effective. It’s about asking questions until your interlocutor betrays himself. Asking unexpected questions is also effective because it doesn’t give the liar enough time to come up with a new storyline.

You devote a whole part of the book to the advent and impact of digital technology in our daily lives. From videoconferencing to selfies via filters and montages, how to analyze gestures in the digital age?

Before analyzing, it is necessary to go through the observation. We don’t necessarily realize it, but the digitization of human relationships is not insignificant. It cuts us off from what constitutes the ‘human warmth’ of communication. Without touching, without voice, sometimes without looking, it is difficult to guess the intentions of others. And that increases stress and misunderstandings of all kinds. This is how. Now what is fun is to observe our behavior: will we fall in love with our robots? Will our avatars look like us? Will we find the same inequalities tomorrow in the metaverse? The answers seem to lean more towards the affirmative… But maybe it will be our avatars that will influence us?

Precisely, the metaverse, and soon the robots, will they destroy all hope of detecting any trace of lies, stress, rejection, or any other feeling?

I do not think so. But there may be this paradox: you will feel very intense emotions – like when you get angry in front of a post or a video – and for short periods of time, but perhaps you will have more difficulty getting this emotion recognized. actually felt in your gut. Others will put a label on it, even criticize it, but who will be there to make you laugh, to hug you? In the end, the metaverses will only be an accentuated version of what is already happening now…

For those who, upon reading the book, will discover a soul of liars, or ‘cons’… Can we change our mannerisms, our body language, and the words we are used to using? ?

I already invite you to take the test to find out what your ‘con’ profile is. And let’s assume that awareness is already 80% of the way to an ‘improved’ version of yourself. Afterwards, another question arises: should we change? I do not claim to settle this question at all. I would even rather tend to answer in the negative. You don’t have to get along with everyone. Not all ‘cons’ get along with each other. Might as well decide which ones are worth our time and energy.

“What gestures and words say about others (and especially idiots)” – Elodie Mielczareck – Le Courrier du Livre – Released March 16, 2023.