Published on
Updated
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Are you more concerned about grades and results than your own children who take their exams (or tests)? But why do we put such pressure on ourselves? And is this useful? We asked the question to a psychologist.
At the end of the Baccalaureate written exams, how many parents are more anxious than their high school students about the results? If there are no precise figures on the subject, just look around: a lot! Like all parents who have closely monitored the slightest grade of the year since primary school, considered support at the slightest drop in level or wondered if they were not responsible for a 4/20 in math. .. Of course, a bad grade is not what we want for our children, but why do we put so much pressure on ourselves about their results?
A French system essentially based on success and diplomas
If 86% of parents say they are concerned about their child’s education (according to a Kantar survey in 2020), this already comes from the way in which schooling is conducted, or even the arrival in professional life in France. Unlike other countries (where motivation, experience and ideas take precedence) professional integration in France remains strongly correlated with diplomas. Our children are also evaluated from kindergarten, with colors, assessments and then grades, in most cases.
Sharing systems such as Pronote in middle school or even Parcoursup in high school increase the pressure on results by a notch: Pronote sends you the grades in real time (some parents would be addicted to it), when Parcoursup records them, to give access or not to the desired studies. There is indeed reason to become tense. Especially since these notes often ultimately say something about us, parents.
Grades, (false) reflection of our education?
Because if our children’s success is a bit like ours, their failure is just as much, at least that’s what we think.
“When a child has academic difficulties, teachers tend to think that this is the result of family practices, particularly in working-class environments or when mothers are alone,” confirms Gaële Henri-Panabière, lecturer in educational sciences at Paris-Cité University in Slate magazine. “It is very stigmatizing to have a child in difficulty, because many families take on board the school’s assumption that parents are, at least in part, responsible.” she continues.
Contacted on the subject by Doctissimo, clinical psychologist Johanna Rozenblum develops this ambivalence a little further:
“Of course, we worry about our children’s grades, because we want the best for them and for their future, but also because something very personal is at stake. In the success of our children, there is there is also success as parents, a sort of transfer, driven by an educational notion dictated by society: the child who succeeds in school will succeed in life. Needless to say, this is not always true. “.
In our tension around the notes, reality and transfer are mixed: “Our requirement is our ability to tell ourselves this is how I do best for him, to prepare him for the best possible future.”
But believing that your child’s success at school depends entirely on the parent(s) is still putting an immense burden on your shoulders, retorts the psychologist. Perhaps it is useful to remember that children have their own strengths and weaknesses, their own vision of the future (which does not necessarily involve long studies) and that they are capable of drawing on the resources from which they need for their own success.