Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
To respond or not to respond? Faced with this existential question, the adolescents seem to have decided. But while loved ones are worried about their silence, how can we explain this new behavior? And how to react tactfully? Answers from our psychologist.
Because they don’t want to be stressed, disturbed or even solicited, some teenagers prefer to forgo calls. A behavior that becomes systematic… and that can be explained, according to Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
Dropping out, a superhuman effort
While they spend their days glued to screens, these young people aged 12 to 18 have difficulty “making phone calls”.
“When I have to make an appointment, for example, it’s always stressful to have to talk, I find,” says the first (…), at the microphone of TF1. . “I agree, second. It’s true that sometimes I receive fairly important calls, I don’t expect them at all and sometimes I don’t pick up“.”I know it’s not good, she adds, but then I call the person back“.
A difficulty which could be explained in particular by the habits and customs of these “teenagers”: exchanging, discussing, debating is done today on social network messaging (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat) or through voice messages (Whatsapp notably).
So when you have to call a doctor or reserve a table at a restaurant, stress skyrockets.
“I had my friends around me to help me, because it was a little stressful“, confirms a teenager, assigned to reserve a table.
A phenomenon that is not new, according to the Washington Post.
“The texting generation does not share the baby boomers’ taste for talking“, affirmed the media in 2010, which explained that the telephone conversation had been excluded in favor of various written messages and other voice notes.
A generation that ultimately considers phone calls to be (too) “intrusive”. Rightly so?
To call or (not) to call: decryption of our psychologist
Not answering the phone is an attitude that has become widespread among the Alpha generation (i.e. young people born after 2010), confirms Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
“Communication habits have changed. Teens have grown up with text and voice messages, flexible formats where they control what they say and when they say it. Conversely, a call is rather intrusive. It requires an immediate exchange, which can be perceived as stressful. Where with a SMS or a vocal, they can think, reread or even respond later if they want. This behavior is less risky and it gives them time to refine their image – a big challenge at their age!” reveals the expert.
Another avenue of explanation, faced with these unanswered calls: the issue of the exhibition.
“Speaking live means exposing yourself: managing your voice, your silences, your hesitations. On the other hand, a written or voice message allows you to put a filter. You can start again, delete or simply… ignore. It’s a way to stay in control“, recognizes the practitioner.
Finally, not responding is also a “way of communicating“.
“A “seen” without response or a late response can say a lot: indifference, annoyance or just a need to protect oneself. These codes, often hermetic for the adults that we are, are nevertheless at the heart of their way of relating. And yes, we are lost!“, continues Amélie Boukhobza.
If your teenager doesn’t pick up, don’t take it as a personal affront.
“This silence doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to talk. Maybe he just prefers to do it another way. The real question is rather to adapt to these new codes and to continue to to exchange without imposing our own habits…” concludes the expert.
To your voices!
Slide: 10 things not to say to your teenager