It is often by chance that parents, not particularly investigative, come across a frightening writing by their child and then plunge into a state of desperate astonishment: they immediately question themselves, they reproach themselves for not having seen nothing coming, they do not understand the situation, they realize that something has escaped them, without knowing in which direction to direct their research
It’s in an indescribable state of fear that they read terrible words: in his little childish handwriting, their child writes with great naturalness that he does not know what he is doing there, that it is too hard, that he will never succeed and that he prefers to end it right away. Not a word about the grief he might cause his parents and siblings, he writes as if he was alone and therefore could make the decisions he wanted, which could prove that he is not entirely in reality when he confides in a notebook or a squared sheet of paper with a very academic appearance.
The day when dark thoughts appear
Suddenly, life appeared to him in a dark light, without even a little light on the horizon, he has the impression that he is being told stories when he is given happy prospects : discoveries, trips, happy moments with family or friends. His parents lie to themselves when they talk about good times in the past and tell their children that they will experience similar ones. They tell stories so as not to face the harsh reality: life is a series of demands ultimately impossible to satisfy without taking into consideration the desires and preferences of those who must endure it.
It would be an endless succession of duties of all kinds to accomplish, the brief flashes of happiness illuminating for a few seconds this exhausting journey would only be intended to prevent us from sinking into absolute despair, they would maintain the fallacious hope that the future will be brighter. Only the most gullible and those who don’t think get caught, those who are more lucid know well that everything is illusion.
The weight of duties to fulfill
These “homework” to be completed will follow one another, changing in nature depending on the age, those that we give at school and which are as boring as they are uninteresting serve as training, the rest will always be boring and restrictive, and the duties will only have changed in nature. If the requirements become more complex, the discouraged child is not at all sure of being able to meet them, he knows deep down that he is not as good as people say, he is lucky, that’s all.
This presentation, never so detailed, but there are indications of this state of mind, is written in a moment of despondency where the sweet temptation appears to sink into oblivion of all the inconveniences of existence and of the monumental and overwhelming sum of obligations to fulfill in order to achieve an accomplishment accompanied by bitterness at the idea of all the renunciations to which one had to agree. This grayish blur where all emotions are drowned seems temptingso why not let yourself give in and fall asleep peacefully, but the way to access this colorless paradise is rarely considered or else it retains something fantastical.
Writing to free yourself…
One might think that by writing these lines, their author is relieving himself of a burden : he felt tired not by the current weight of his burdens but by the idea that they would follow one another infinitely, as if he were caught in a tunnel from which it would be impossible to escape and which would therefore have to be followed until the end. In these conditions, only one outcome would be necessary…
Committing these ideas to a page does not give them more reality, but frees the mind of the person who writes them, he can put a certain distance between what he is on a daily basis and the ideas that cross his mind from time to time, almost as if these lines were written by someone else, who would be a bit of his double , but elsewhere, in a slightly different environment. It is also the reassuring certainty that we retain freedom to act, we are not subject to a blind fate which decides everything and imposes a destiny with no possible escape. Ultimately, it is the person themselves who chooses the trajectory they want to follow.
The fear of disappointing remains despite everything
Even then, can mingle with these ideas the impression that we will never be able to give satisfaction : we will definitely be disappointed, even with regard to ourselves and the ambitions that we may have harbored when we still had illusions about our value because we were not in reality. It is not just the fear of disappointing the expectations of those around you, but the painful realization of one’s weakness. The feeling of imposture takes its toll at any age.
All these ideas that the child is careful not to express for fear that we will reassure him in a way that would be worse than his torment, by telling him that we do not necessarily expect him to surpass himself in his successes , or even that everything he does will be good as long as he has limited his ambitions, the main thing being that he is happy… Even if his soothing words are lavished with the best intentions in the world, they cause despondency even bigger.
What to do when faced with these thoughts?
It is preferable to talk about the contribution of learning, that of future discoveries which will enrich experience and skill. The joy of moving forward on the path of knowledge is unparalleled, it would be regrettable to deprive ourselves of it and we thus acquire the means to face obstacles and continue on our path, despite everything. We can mention in passing that some children sometimes appear sad and tormented, that these reactions are very normal at their age, when we feel very small and ignorant in the face of the immensity that we will have to face one day, but they still have to them long years of discovery of knowledge with the pleasure it provides.
In any case, it is better ensure there is no harassment : it destroys the child’s self-image, empties the child of any ability to pull himself together and leads him towards a fatal outcome since he thinks he is not capable of finding another way. The daily injunctions of the harassers get the better of his self-awareness.
Advice : After the shock of reading this terrible text, it is preferable to carefully examine any external cause that may have inspired it. (betrayal of a friend, overly critical remark from a teacher in a beloved subject, etc.). As in passing, we evoke the joys, the happiness, the pleasures that we encounter during our life, our own, those of those around us and we look for the area which could awaken a passionate interest.