When gifted children refuse any definition in this sense concerning them, their parents know how to compensate more or less for this denial by offering them activities, occupations that they will like, responding to unformulated, but real needs: it is a necessity to feed a gifted child with foods that will allow him to taste joys still inaccessible to children of his age.
Everything seems so natural with him that his characteristics do not seem as remarkable as they are in reality: he turns out to be a good musician or a good designer, his imagination is overflowing, his stories well structured and he is particularly skilled in sports that attract him. Not all of these qualities are present in all gifted children and some do not want to particularly develop their gift, they see it as extra work. They are gifted for music, their sensitivity works wonders, but working on top of school constraints seems impossible to them.
The stage of adolescence and difference
It is during adolescence that this armor begins to crack. By applying it well and with the help of attentive parents, existence was satisfactory, but when autonomy becomes greater faults appear, they signal the gap between the gifted adolescent for whom everything was really going well and the one Who realizes with dismay that he is gradually moving away from his comrades, the distance grows insidiously, until it becomes almost painful to see. Interests, readings, the way of approaching current topics, everything becomes different, but in a sneaky way that makes the adolescent wonder if he is getting ideas, or if this The widening gap is a reality.
Alone facing the others, who were friends not long ago, he looks for reasons to explain the distance that sets in, inexorably it seems. He has tried to forget this story of intellectual gift with which people once wanted to adorn him, so he blocks paths that he imagines as dead ends that do not concern him.
Difficulty making choices for one’s future
It is also at this moment that he must choose an orientation, when nothing really attracts him, since he cannot form a very clear image of himself. We will say that it is normal at his age to hesitate to make a choice, but precisely the others, his friends who seem so superficial to him now, know in which direction to move, even if it is still vague, they have an idea of the areas that attract them. For reasons that escape him, it seems to him that the roads he must take are opaque, while his academic results are always as satisfactory without him even really making any effort.
Since the beginning of his school life, he has worked moderately and that is enough. Perhaps it is this ease that would prevent him from favoring a particular field since everything is easy: without effort, we ignore the pleasure of victory, everything is drowned in a gray indifference, but parents and teachers see in this success a mark of balance. A successful student is doing well. His tastes will become clearer later, in the meantime, he can follow more demanding courses, to have a wider choice.
Not admitting your gift
The uncertain adolescent resembles those people affected by a progressive and irremediable illness, but whose progression is very slow. They can deceive themselves for a while by hiding the first signs and justifying them with plausible explanations for those who are unaware of their condition. Only they know the truth.
This teenager who has always refuted the reality of his intellectual gift cannot forget it completely, but he thinks that he would have the impression of falling into another universe, where he would not be in his place either since he knows very well that he is not gifted. He has multiple proofs of this while nothing shows that he possesses this gift, with the exception of the person who offered him “games”, which were easy and fun, when he was a child. It’s a little light… On the other hand, it is quite certain that he would be in an impossible situation of imposture if he took this gift for granted.
Find a possible way
He is going through a period of unease like all adolescents experience, the subject is treated by a number of psychologists, the causes are not lacking, he does not even want to document himself, he is suspicious and that is all. However, he cannot avoid all the traps, he might even risk being particularly vulnerable. By chance of a meeting, a program or a class lesson, he perceives a possible path since, recently this idea is spreading in society, attractive to those who are in search of themselves: perhaps he is not what he seems to be, those around him would never have seen him really and would have let himself be taken in by appearances, this would be a possible reading grid, with the attraction of being able to fit into a group of peers and finally experience a comforting feeling of belonging. Furthermore, caring and specialized adults can guide him in his first steps.
It is a temptation to which some succumb with relief: everything is finally in order, they have an explanation, a framework and a road map, even if they vaguely feel that there are surely other explanations and possibilities. other less complicated routes to take. The temptation is great to take this seemingly easy route where, finally, he will no longer be left alone to his thoughts, he will have an answer to his questions.
The repercussions as an adult
This is a new danger that awaits gifted children in search of themselves, when they have not accepted a reality, when it could bring precious light, but it frightened them too much: they could not to be gifted, they knew it deep in their being. As adults, this conviction remains firmly anchored, it is even stronger and they move through life following parallel paths. to the one they could have taken and which undoubtedly frightened them with all the constraints it implied in their minds.
The manifestations of their intellectual gift remain very present, they arise at any moment, they astonish those around them, but they persist in remaining blind to their brilliance. They have placed themselves behind their own lives and are looking for the thread while being convinced that they will not find it.because their destiny is like this…
Advice : To avoid this waste, it is still preferable to make a child admit that he has intellectual gifts by showing him the benefit he can derive from them and which will make his life easier. Readings, meetings, testimonies where he recognizes himself in spite of himself can help him in this acceptance.