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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Some couples love each other but turn out to be incompatible. Not understanding each other generates tensions and conflicts that ultimately bring the issue of breaking up to the table. Does being incompatible mean the end of a relationship? The answers of Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you first see only their qualities. Then, time passes and the person’s flaws become apparent to us. Sometimes, the ways of functioning are so different that we speak of incompatibility between the partners. Does this automatically sign the end of the relationship? Let’s do a check in.
Incompatibility makes life as a couple difficult
Incompatibility in a couple does not necessarily happen in the first weeks. “It depends on the length of the relationship, but sometimes couples get along for a year or two, everything goes well and despite the initial love and attraction, something gets stuck.” first explains Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
“This can even occur within a couple who share the same value system, where everything worked well, everything was fluid“. In reality, this incompatibility appears, according to our expert, because “what was established at the beginning does not last over time, inconsistencies set in, behaviors and attitudes change over time..
Incompatibility should push us to question ourselves
“An incompatibility, when we notice it, should push us to question ourselves” believes Siyana Mincheva. “We must ask ourselves the question in all sincerity, especially if every exchange, every moment, even in privacy, becomes a source of argument“.
Because according to the psychologist, incompatibility pushes partners away. “This makes it difficult or even impossible to live together, to have a harmonious coexistence between the two partners.“.
Incompatibility invariably leads to breakup?
For the expert, “when we realize that there is something wrong, even if we say we love each other. This is a wake-up call. It should not be ignored“. Indeed, allowing this situation to continue can generate conflicts, frustrations and an erosion of the quality of the romantic relationship and life as a couple, in the long term. However, for her, there is a solution: couples therapy .
“If both people love each other and want to move their relationship forward and overcome their difficulties, couples therapy can work to help the couple live differently.” she insists. “On the condition of a strong questioning of each of the two parties, with a putting aside of one’s ego and the application of the advice given by the therapist” she concludes.
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