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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
You separated some time ago, but now your ex resurfaces. You are inevitably wondering how to react to his messages. Here are some tips, provided by Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
It’s always difficult to go through a breakup. After overcoming this ordeal, you do not expect to hear from your ex-partner and yet, he or she comes back to you. How to react ?
Think back to your relationship and its nature
When an ex partner comes back to you, you need to take the time to think about your relationship. “It is very important to think back to how you lived with this person and how you felt in their company: were you angry, sad, full of guilt? Or on the contrary, happy?” first explains Siyana Mincheva. It’s also important to remember the breakup and how it happened, during and after.
Remember the reason for the breakup
Once you have completed this initial assessment, think back to why you left this person. “If it was because of violence or adultery, it may not necessarily be right to return to that person. Or were you too young or too busy to live this relationship to the fullest? There may be a chance to reconnect with this person.” indicates the psychologist.
Analyze sent messages
Generally, an ex who comes back will send messages in the evening. “We are calm at this time, so we must analyze the situation clearly, without letting ourselves be overwhelmed by our emotions.” advises the expert. “Do the messages contain anger or annoyance? Or on the contrary, do you discuss the good times spent together? In the first case, there is perhaps a desire to make you suffer, while in the second, it is perhaps a way of coming back to you, to give themselves another chance. He or she believes that reconciliation is possible” adds the psychologist.
Be comfortable with the situation
“In all cases, it is important to remain comfortable in this situation.” adds the psychologist. “This is important because a loss of love can cause significant psychological stress: you are the person best able to know whether or not to follow up on these messages.“.
Give yourself another chance (or not)
Following this resumption of contact, you are in control of the situation: do you want to give this person another chance? Or on the contrary to block it immediately? “Analyzing the situation using all the elements mentioned above will allow you to make the right decision when faced with an ex who is trying to win you back.” concludes the expert.
Slide: Breakup: 8 signs that the couple is over