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Between sports, music, and language classes… The big losers this back-to-school season are parents who keep bumping into each other and getting tangled up in endless schedules. Here’s how to fix this and get back on track.
With the start of the school year, you have finally stopped organizing your children’s activities like during the holidays: they are now “booked” between school, sports sessions or piano lessons… A routine that allows you to find more time for yourself and your partner? Quite the opposite.
Busy schedule with children ruins married life
According to a report published in the United States on the mental well-being of families last June, the mental load generated by this new family planning leaves parents much less time to concentrate on their relationship.
The survey, which was conducted with Harris Poll, collected responses from more than 2,000 parents and revealed that:
- Parents spend an average of 30.4 hours per week planning and coordinating tasks and schedules for the entire family;
- 61% of parents say that the workload has reduced the time they spend with their partner;
- Nearly 25% of couples seek therapy to cope with family stress (in the United States);
- Nearly half (47%) of couples say that stress from a busy schedule has led them to have less or fewer sexual encounters.
“These results validated the conversations I had at Skylight and with other parents.” comments Maddy Hague, creative director of performance at Skylight who commissioned the study.We all feel exhausted, which is why it seemed so important to delve deeper into how mental load affects our time and relationships.”
This report also adds to a series of warning signs about overworked schedules and parental stress. A 2023 LEGO report already suggested that more than half (57%) of parents felt that their children spent more time on achievement-oriented activities, such as school or sports, over the past three years, to the detriment of free play. But why so much pressure?
Why do we overload our children’s schedules so much?
If we suffer from it, why do we persist in enrolling our children in multiple activities? According to Dr. Jones, a licensed clinical psychologist interviewed by the magazine Parents.comthere are several reasons for this:
- We put pressure on ourselves to enroll our children in activities that promote their development;
- We constantly compare ourselves, and feel like we never do enough;
- We mistakenly believe that keeping our children busy with extracurricular activities will allow us to fulfill our professional obligations;
- We want to culturally prioritize work and productivity over rest.
A systemic and societal problem, ultimately, from which we must find a way out.
Feeling overwhelmed by your weeks and like you’re running out of time (and your relationship?) Then you’re not alone. Luckily, mental health professionals explain that there are ways you can work together as a couple to reduce the weight of the mental load and the pressure of overloading your schedule.
Talk about it!
Yes, you’re busy, but consider taking the time to talk with your partner about mental load concerns and tasks. This can free up space in your schedule (and your head) in the long run. For example, Dr. Jones recommends taking this time to make a to-do list and divide up the tasks so that your family is equitable.Do it by leveraging each other’s strengths”says Dr. Jones. You can also look at priorities, meaning you each give yourself two main goals for each week.When partners are on the same page about planning, they often experience less burnout andanxiety“, reveals the expert.It also helps to increase the quality of time spent with each other and intimacy through emotional attunement.”
Supporting everyone’s need to unwind
Scheduling and respecting rest is also important and is something couples can work on together. When one of you, (and not always the same one!) needs some time to yourself, support them without asking or interrupting their absence.
Take time for both of you
It’s also important to make time for date nights. But this can be anything from going out to watching movies in front of the TV, as long as you find some time together.
Don’t be afraid to say no
If, despite everything, you still feel like you are exhausted, do not hesitate to revisit your goals.Check your calendar and cancel an activity or event without excuse”advises the expert.Don’t cancel your therapist or doctor appointments – you need them – but other events may be canceled or moved.”
Remember: It’s perfectly okay to say ‘no’ or ‘I’ll think about it’ before committing to a project.Every person has their limits, and it is important to work within those limits or plan tasks based on each person’s strengths,” recalls the psychologist.
Slideshow: 10 tips for cultivating family happiness