What is the secret of couples who argue but emerge stronger? Our psychologist’s explanations

in collaboration with

Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)

Arguments are commonplace among couples. However, not everyone manages to manage them in the same way, and above all, the impact of these disputes is not the same for everyone. For what ? Here are the explanations from psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.

A couple with solid foundations will be better able to resist arguments

For Amélie Boukhobza, several elements allow a couple to calmly face conflicts. “Good communication, long-term mutual commitment, the ability to forgive and accepting disagreements as a normal part of the relationship are basic principles“, she lists. But be careful, this does not make the couple invulnerable to conflicts. “On the other hand, this helps ensure that arguments do not shake the foundation of the relationship..”

Communication, an essential element

We repeat it often: communication is essential in a relationship. “Communication is a pillar, yes“, confirms the psychologist. “But not just any one. What matters is a word where everyone can express themselves without fear of judgment, in a climate of respect and listening. It is a communication that does not seek to win but to understand the other, even in moments of tension“, she explains.

Knowing how to forgive to truly turn the page

The other strong point of these couples is the capacity for forgiveness. “But it is not a simple ‘moving on’; it is an effort towards the other to appease them“, explains the expert. “Moreover, the other is free to accept or refuse it. To forgive is to decide together that the mistake or the argument will not define the relationship. This requires a real ability to turn the page to focus on the essential, without dwelling on past hurts.“, analyzes Amélie Boukhobza.

Complementarity, another key to overcoming arguments

“Accepting disagreements also means recognizing that two people are not obliged to share exactly the same opinions or reactions.“, recalls the psychologist, “as long as the fundamental values ​​are common.” So forget the illusory idea that love erases differences. “Learn to appreciate complementarity. Disagreements then become a space for evolution and questioning“, advises the expert.

If you tend to argue with your partner and this weakens your relationship, our psychologist has only one piece of advice to give you: “To achieve this, remember, in calmer moments, the reasons why you are together, the shared values, what the other brings“, explains Amélie Boukhobza. “This creates a basis of reciprocal commitment where disputes do not call anything into question.“, she concludes.

Slide: The keys to a healthy argument