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Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
A seduction technique, “love bombing” consists of covering the person you meet with good intentions, but with the aim of making them dependent. A relational behavior that is much more toxic than this pretty name might lead us to believe, and which psychologist Johanna Rozenblum tells us about. Beware of too many nice words!
Everything about the meeting was so beautiful: the timing, the kind words, the unexpected wave of love brought, and yet, some time later, you no longer recognize your partner who holds you under his thumb, isolated from everyone. You have undoubtedly been the victim of what is called “love bombing”, a love bombing according to the translation, which many manipulators use.
“Love bombing”, manipulation by feelings
Under this rather pretty name of “love bombing” hides a much less sympathetic posture which aims to make you believe in true love, to take the upper hand over you:
“Love bombing is often the first step used by a manipulator or a narcissistic pervert to subjugate his prey, warns Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist. VSis the stage during which the manipulator will do everything to charm the person, his target, to the point of becoming for her the providential person, the person she has always been waiting for, the one who will love her better and more than anything , who will reduce all her suffering, who understands her better than anyone.”
It is therefore a somewhat “honeymoon” period during which the manipulator borrows the mask of this providential person, but with one goal: to make the target fall in love to the point of making him a dependent person. And then, being able to take advantage of her, even being violent. The mask falls when the person is finally under the influence.
What are the signs of love bombing?
As our expert states, love bombing translates above all into the posture of a providential person… who adapts to the needs expressed by the target. “Manipulative people are often very fine psychologists unfortunately. They spot people’s flaws. In the case of love bombing, he will take on the mask that corresponds to the expectations of his target: the prince charming, the savior, the pygmalion… This will depend on the faults and needs of the person.”
However, certain attitudes can put you on the path of a person who is too perfect to be honest:
- He is the man we have been waiting for, who arrives at the right time in an almost mystical way, and who ticks all the boxes;
- I don’t even need to speak, he knows what’s wrong and accedes to my needs;
- He quickly replaces family and friends (who don’t understand you the way he does);
- It gradually isolates us from others;
- He makes decisions for us because he knows best what is good for us;
- He keeps a social mask, a kind word on the outside.
“By doing so, the manipulator ends up depriving his prey of his free will, his confidence and his critical thinking” indicates the psychologist.
Good in his body, good in his head!
If the seduction operation has just begun and is causing you doubts, the best thing to do is to simply flee the relationship.
When the influence is unfortunately already in place, getting out of the clutches of a manipulator remains complicated and painful: the person they fell in love with wore a mask and simply did not exist. “It was not a honeymoon, but only a technique. In fact, these victims remain waiting for a person who did not exist, for an aggregate of all their expectations, fulfilled by a chimera.
To get out of it, the first thing to do before you can even leave is to realize that the person you thought you loved is a chimera, and that you have not understood the deception. “It’s a difficult stage to go through. We need to be able to reassure these people about what control is, that it’s not their fault and that the manipulative person almost has a gift for pretending to be a transfixed lover.” Likewise, we must avoid falling into the pitfall and the illusion that we can change or heal, the manipulator. “These are not people who question themselves, we never see them in our offices.” confirms Johanna Rozenblum.
In the event that the victim becomes aware of the manipulation, the psychologist recommends ceasing all forms of contact with the love bomber, if possible. Reconnecting with your family, your circle of friends to confide, and working with a psychologist on this toxic manipulation can also help you find the necessary comfort.
Slide: Couple: how are we put under the influence of a narcissistic pervert?