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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Did you miss your first date? Don’t worry. Fate would do things right, according to the followers of the “second meeting” theory. Explanations.
Very popular on TikTok, the theory of the “second meeting” (in English, “meeting someone twice”) is based on the fact that it would be necessary to see a person again several years after a first meeting to create chemistry… and stay together for life. But does this theory really allow to reveal the potential of a relationship? To find out for sure, we asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, to decipher this phenomenon.
What is the “second encounter theory”?
A friend recently told you about Gérard, that famous colleague she met 10 years earlier and who she recently fell in love with? This story, like so many others, would confirm the theory of the “second meeting”; that is, falling in love with someone you “forgot” the first time.
This myth, widespread in several East Asian countries, suggests that two people who are meant to be together always end up finding each other again, and for good.
“The “second encounter theory” is based on a simple idea, but it goes against the classic way of perceiving love at first sight. It is based on the principle that the first encounter is often misleading: adrenaline, the desire to please, stress, or even excessive expectations create a context where we overplay our emotions or, on the contrary, we close ourselves off for fear of not corresponding to the image that the other could have of us. In short, “love at first sight” would be more a surge of projections than real feelings”, reveals Amélie Boukhobza.
The idea is not to get caught up in this first moment and to give particular importance to the second meeting, the psychologist explains further.
“Because this is where the magic happens or not. During this second datethe adrenaline has subsided, the masks with it, and the emotions are often more authentic. We are no longer in the bidding war of first impressions, we show ourselves in a more natural light. The connection that can be born here is stronger, deeper”, she assures.
A “second chance” that allows us to rediscover the other
According to the followers of the “meet someone twice“This theory is exciting because it offers hope: if a first date went badly, there is no need to worry. Fate could bring you together again, transforming this second opportunity into a beautiful love story.
It is also a way of escaping the social pressure of a dazzling romantic ideal, conveyed by popular culture, explains Amélie Boukhobza.
“Indeed, by taking your time, you learn to discover the other person beyond the illusions of the first moment. Some would even say that the “second meeting” is more of a real field of exploration than a simple repetition of the first date. You see the person as they really are, or at least, as they begin to reveal themselves.“, specifies the expert.
So, the next time you meet someone, think about that second meeting.”as a key moment.”
“Leave yourself, leave him a second chance ; time to see if the relationship has the potential to become anchored in something real, beyond the first sparks…”, concludes the practitioner.
Slideshow: Hands, lips… Decode the signs during a first date!