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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Your story is officially over but you still want to win back your ex? By following these few tips, it is possible that he/she will reevaluate your relationship… if that is really your intention. The point with Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
“You won’t find better“, “I’ll change if you take me back, I promise…“Many ready-made phrases – harmless on paper – can scare off your ex. So, how (better) to do it? What methods have proven effective in winning him/her back? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
Take care of your ex’s needs before starting a “reconquest”
First and foremost, and not least, advice: before rushing headlong into this reconquest, you need to work on your intentions. Indeed, if the mere fact of being alone and sad is enough to make you recontact said ex, you are on the wrong track.
In order for you to succeed in seducing him/her again, it is first necessary to ask yourself the right questions and take a step back from the situation. Why did the relationship end? What did my ex blame me for and still blame me for today? What can I do to improve? What actions can I take?
Only by genuinely caring about your ex-partner’s needs – and current demands – can you influence his/her opinion, and perhaps bring him/her back to you.
“Clarifying your intentions already means avoiding repeating the same mistakes.” says Amélie Boukhobza.
Don’t rush things
Understanding why you want to win back your ex’s favor is also fundamental, the psychologist emphasizes.
“It is not a question of playing the card of feeling or trying to rekindle what is already dead. If you feel there is still a connection, whether friendly or otherwise, you need to be honest with yourself about what you are really trying to achieve. Manipulating another’s emotions or trying to rekindle feelings in an unbalanced way is a recipe for disappointment. It is better to be clear and transparent about your intentions from the start,” she says.
- Respecting the past and accepting separation are also essential to moving forward in a healthy way. “The breakup is there for a reason, and trying to go back without really thinking about the causes of the breakup is not going to get you anywhere. It’s not about ignoring your feelings, it’s about putting them into perspective. Getting your ex back should never be about going back to the same old patterns, but rather a chance to reconsider what this relationship can be like now, differently,” emphasizes the expert.
- Communication is also one of the keys to activate. “No more procrastination and leaving things unsaid. If you want to renew a relationship, whether it’s friendly or otherwise, you have to be ready to approach delicate subjects in a direct and sincere manner. Saying, for example, “I would like us to be able to get back to being friends because I care about you and the moments we shared,” shows a desire for transparency and authenticity,” recalls the specialist.
- Understanding that everyone may have suffered or been affected differently by the separation is just as important. “It’s not just about listening, but about really hearing what the other person has to say. Acknowledging their emotions and not minimizing what they’ve felt. By showing that you’re willing to see the other person as a whole person, with their own needs and desires, you open the door to a possible reconnection,” confirms Amélie Boukhobza.
- It is also crucial not to rush things. “Getting back in touch with an ex should happen naturally, without pressure or unrealistic expectations. Suggesting a casual meeting, like coffee or going out with mutual friends, can be a great way to reconnect without it feeling too intense or emotionally charged. It also allows you to create new memories, without forgetting the past, but without getting stuck in it either.“, the psychologist explains further.
Trying to win back an ex’s favor is a risky game.
Ultimately, trying to win back your ex’s favor is a risky game.
“It’s important to remember that if a relationship ended, it didn’t happen by accident. That’s where the toxicity of relationships often lies: repeating the same scenarios that didn’t work the first time. A breach has been opened, and there’s always a risk that the same problems will resurface. So before diving back in, you really have to ask yourself if you’re ready to face the ghosts of the past or if it’s better to leave things where they are,” concludes Amélie Boukhobza.
Slideshow: Keys to Getting Over a Breakup