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One of the facets of certain narcissistic perverts would be to never take responsibility for their actions and to make themselves seem like victims, to better get out of all situations. Fortunately, there are certain signs that will help you identify them.
“It’s not you the problem, it’s me”. This is what the “victim narcissists, this “subtype” of narcissists highlighted by the American magazine Well+Good. For what ? Because according to them, they are never the problem, but everyone else is (including you!). A way of seeing things that suits them considerably… but which is not healthy in a relationship.
Another way to manipulate your partner
More than a whim, what is behind this behavior is worrying, especially if you are in a relationship with someone who acts like this. “Victim syndrome in narcissism occurs when narcissistic individuals act innocently and manipulate situations to receive sympathy, deflect responsibility and/or accountability, and present themselves as unfairly treated”explains Natalie Jambazian, a specialist therapist based in Los Angeles.
A narcissist with victim syndrome will not accept blame, it would not fit the narrative they are trying to portray. On the contrary, she will play the victim card when she is in fact guilty, and will not budge from her position. She does this to shine a light on the person she is in a relationship with, making them feel like they are the problem or the one causing harm. Playing the victim also provides her with the validation she craves. The position of the victim allows him to avoid accountability and often results in the person he manipulates finding himself in the role of guardian, or even apologizing. A turnaround that does not evoke a healthy position in a couple. By playing either the hero or the victim, narcissists exert their power and control in the relationship.
The 8 signs to detect a “Victim narcissist”
Fortunately, with a little perspective and knowledge about narcissistic perverts, experts are today able to detect the common traits of these problematic personalities. And 8 warning signs can help you detect them depending on Well+Good.
They blame others (especially their loved ones)
This happens constantly, even when they are the cause of a problem.“Narcissists are insecure deep down and they don’t like to make mistakes or admit their mistakes,” explains Natalie Jambazian. Instead, it’s other people, especially those with whom they have intimate relationships, who are the “problem.”
They often have the wrong role (but forget details)
To ensure the support of their other half, they paint a picture in which they are brutally wronged or unfairly treated. But after a while, you’ll probably find that they are very vague and forget details that don’t go their way.
They act like they’re innocent
Are you not comfortable with their version? They will act like they don’t understand why. “They will use misleading comments to distort your reality and confuse you.”, explains the expert. It is very often in this context that the “She’s just a friend, you’re really making trouble for nothing.”
They don’t take criticism well
Even constructive criticism is not suitable for narcissists. “They interpret it as an attack on their character and may react to your comments and lash out, or act cold and shut down.”, explains the therapist. It’s difficult to achieve a healthy relationship without communication or feedback.
They are defensive and blame-shifting
If you ask them about flaws in a story or question their role or reaction to a situation, be prepared for a lot of rants and no response. “V“You may notice defensiveness followed by outrage and then extreme hurt as you question what happened in this way, turning you into the aggressor.” explains the site.
They refuse to take responsibility for their actions
It’s the famous “gaslighting” that comes into play here too. “They won’t take responsibility when you mention how their words hurt you” recognizes the therapist. On the other hand, they are very capable of telling you that it is you who misunderstood. (Well then).
They engage in “reverse projection” and confuse you
In other words, a narcissist will twist the conversation to make you feel guilty and guilty of hurting them. This is a big point common to narcissists: role reversal, which creates confusion.
Good in his body, good in his head!
They act like this every day
Finally, a victim narcissist is not someone who occasionally acts defensively and thinks they are a victim. It is a daily pattern that the person installs. So, if you are wondering if you are dealing with one of these specimens, the question is not whether the person may be a victim sometimes, but whether they are constantly blaming others for things that have gone wrong in their lives. If you notice a continuing lack of empathy, remorse and responsibility, perhaps you should reexamine this relationship.
Slide: Narcissistic pervert: 10 signs that should alert you