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Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Do you have a friend you suspect of being toxic? Here are six signs, detailed by psychologist Siyana Mincheva, which clearly show that you need to cut ties with this person, who is not, in reality, a friend who wishes you well.
In love, it is generally easy to realize that your relationship is no longer working. In friendship, it can be more subtle, it is sometimes more difficult to break up with someone close to you.
Here are six signs to guide you, which clearly show that this person is not a true friend, according to Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
He/She seeks to control you
“Anyone who tries to control you and is all-powerful is toxic.” underlines Siyana Mincheva first of all. With a nuance: “a friend may be concerned about you if you behave in a particular way and tell you so, but it will be in a caring manner and not in a controlling manner.
He/she doesn’t get any news
In a friendly relationship, if you are the only person who makes an effort (getting news, making plans, etc.) then you need to move away. “This sometimes goes even further: with a toxic person, they may not respond to your messages and blame you for not checking in on them and not doing it on their behalf, only in their interest. In these cases, you have to flee” adds the psychologist.
He/She drains you emotionally
If you feel emotionally drained when you’re with this person, that’s not normal. “Simple questions to ask yourself are: how do I feel in the presence of this person? Was it good ? Do I feel bad? Is there a deep understanding between us or not?” specifies the expert.
He/She doesn’t respect your boundaries
You have little time to devote to him for this or that reason, you do not want to share certain parts of your private life: a true friend will respect your limits, no matter what they are. “We must move away if he or she refuses to respect our limits: no matter which one, this friend must take it into account, otherwise he or she is trying to control and dominate you.“insists the specialist.
He/She does not congratulate you on your successes
“When we detect jealousy towards our projects and successes, it is better to set limits or even cut ties” notes Siyana Mincheva, because “a true friend encourages your projects and values your successes, he will be happy for you. If, on the contrary, the person despises and ignores your accomplishments, envies your happiness and fails to rejoice for you: this is the sign of a toxic friendship.“.
Good in his body, good in his head!
You feel alone in his presence
If we feel alone in the presence of a loved one, “it’s that the person is only looking for you for their own needs, and is not interested in yours, they take you for granted” explains the psychologist. “In friendship, we must feel valued and appreciated. But if certain friends adopt reductive and contemptuous behaviors towards you, be careful because this can weaken your self-esteem.” she warns.
To conclude the remarks, she first reminds us that a friendship needs time to establish itself. “And choosing those around us carefully is essential because they are the people who will do us good or harm. she recalls. Sometimes it’s not entirely clear: “We must therefore realize whether our friend is making an effort to make us comfortable or not.” she concludes.
Slide: Friendship: the 9 signs of a healthy relationship