To punish her, she removes the door to her room. Why is it crucial to respect a child’s privacy?

in collaboration with

Stéphane Clerget (Child Psychiatrist)

The story is told by a young woman on the American forum Reddit. She explains that her sister can no longer stand the behavior of her 12-year-old daughter – too rebellious for her taste – and that to punish her, she removed the door to her room.

What should we think of such a punishment? What consequences could it have? Answers from Dr. Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist and author of the book The Brain as a Doctor: Its Extraordinary Healing Powers published by Leduc.

Privacy, a concept learned during childhood

Dr. Clerget first points out that a child’s privacy is a concept that is learned from the end of kindergarten.Around the age of 5, a child can stay alone in a room. This is when we start to explain to him that his door can remain open, closed or ajar” begins the doctor. “G“Generally, children don’t like to close the door at this age, they feel that it isolates them too much. However, they grow up with this notion and learn that they have the possibility of having an individual space, which is their own.”

Learn to have your secret garden

This learning actually goes further. Beyond being able to isolate oneself, this experience shows the child that as he grows up, he does not have to share everything and that he has the right to have his own activities, his own thoughts, his own things… “This teaches him to respect his own privacy but also that of others, so he will not stick to other children, for example, to know at all costs what they are doing.” illustrates the doctor.

Removing the bedroom door is “aggressive” behavior for the child psychiatrist

Once these bases are laid, our expert returns to the case of this young girl.What his mother did was aggressive in my opinion.” he is indignant. “At 12, we need privacy, especially since at this age, the body changes with adolescence and the notion of modesty sets in. We gradually become aware of our bodies”.

The risk for the doctor is that this sets a precedent and that this young girl finds this normal.”To disrespect the privacy of others – like her own daughter here – is to question the established rules and to risk that in the future, other people – strangers this time – will do it too, without the young girl being outraged, because she will find it normal.” concludes the doctor.

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