Published on
Updated
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Organizing an evening with friends or family is rather mundane. On the other hand, planning an evening as a couple to argue is more surprising! However, this is the solution that some people, including coach Tess Clarkson, put forward to save their relationship.
Advised by a therapist, coach Tess Clarkson claims that this is what saved her relationship: organizing weekly evenings with her partner with the aim of arguing (you read that correctly!).
A daily life full of arguments and reproaches
According to her, daily life can quickly be punctuated with tensions, whether within the couple themselves, because of the children or in the case of a blended family, for example. This is precisely the case for Tess, who explains that she was “disillusioned” when she left New York to join her partner and found herself having to take care of the house and the household after the regular visits of her stepchildren, all every two weeks.
Set up an evening per week dedicated to criticism
To improve the situation and save her relationship, Tess tries to find solutions in vain. Until his therapist suggested the idea of an argument evening, in order to talk openly. At each session, the couple had to respect three rules:
- Tell each other why everyone had been grateful for each other during the week;
- Talk about the problems they had encountered with each other, without using reproaches;
- And finally, talk about what they needed to strengthen them in their relationship for the week to come.
For Tess and her husband, this was a lifesaver. She has relaxed some of her demands, while her husband and children-in-law participate more in household chores.
Does this work for all couples?
If Tess’s experience seems conclusive, does this type of meeting work for all couples? “These kinds of methods can potentially work for couples who don’t talk to each other. We can then decide to organize a moment of exchange of this type” believes psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
“But what surprises me is the principle of weekly ritual. We must also leave room for life and listening. And life is also about spontaneity!” she recalls. “Because through the dispute, things are said that in my opinion cannot be said otherwise. Arguing serves to put things that annoy us back into perspective! By, of course, being careful about the words we use, which must not be hurtful or insulting, otherwise they will leave indelible traces.“.
Slide: The keys to a healthy argument