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Are you used to being cautious when giving your opinion or tackling difficult questions? This is wrong. By avoiding being too direct, you run the risk of not sending the right message, whether at work, as a couple or as a family. What is the right dosage? We’ll explain it to you.
Good understanding often depends on the tone and words used. But for the sake of avoiding conflicts, or not hurting anyone, we are sometimes (often?) tempted to take it lightly, not to say what we think. Be careful, however: if excessively, this “politeness” can confuse your real expectations and lead to misunderstandings, as Amy Morin, clinical psychologist, explains in Psychology Today. Favoring kind, but direct communication seems more appropriate.
Why do we have this tendency to sugarcoat the truth?
Whether to refuse an invitation, or to show our disagreement on a subject, we often tend to water down our response so that it “comes across better”. There are ultimately several reasons behind this action.
- Fear of conflict. Many people avoid direct communication for fear of creating problems. “They think that by softening their words, they will minimize the risk of argument or injury”;
- The desire to please. Because they have a strong desire to be liked and accepted, some people prefer to sugarcoat the truth to avoid displeasing others or to maintain a positive image.
- Cultural norms. In some cultures, indirect communication is the norm, and excessive politeness is a way of showing respect and maintaining social harmony.
Why can being “too” polite be a problem?
Of course, a little politeness in speech does no harm and is even necessary. But according to the psychologist, excessive politeness can create new problems, when it doesn’t really correspond to what you think. Indeed, this can already be the cause of bad interpretations.
“When messages are wrapped in layers of politeness, the true intent or meaning can be lost. This can lead to misinterpretations, where the recipient may not fully grasp the seriousness or urgency of the message,” recalls the expert.
Therefore, remaining too polite and reserved can also prevent important issues from being addressed. “When feedback is unclear, the recipient may not recognize the need for a change or improvement that you are asking for.”
Finally, this attitude can lead to frustration and resentment.”especially if one party feels like they are not being heard or understood.”
Good in his body, good in his head!
The idea is not to become self-conscious, but to be honest to improve communication in the long term. With a bonus: it’s finally possible to be kind and direct at the same time! You don’t know what to do after years of rounding corners? However, there are several strategies.
- Write out your talking points in advance. Take a few minutes to think about the message you want to convey and how you can communicate it effectively. Pay attention to the things you’re tempted to say, like “We can still be friends” who would not be sincere, to soften the message. Edit and revise your script as necessary to ensure you aren’t sending mixed signals.
- Be clear and concise. Clarity is the key to effective communication. Strive to be clear and concise in your messages, ensuring your intent is clear. The more you talk, the more garbled your words are likely to be.
- Provide constructive feedback. When giving feedback, be direct but also constructive. Saying things like “I need you to make an effort” for example, is not useful. Offer specific examples and potential solutions to make the conversation more productive.
- Showempathy. Understand the point of view of the person you are communicating with. You can start the conversation by saying : “It’s a difficult conversation, but it’s important.” This will help you frame your message in a way that is both honest and thoughtful.
- Set the tone. While it’s important to be direct, maintaining a warm and respectful tone can help ensure that your message is received positively. Just be careful not to be incoherent in smiling when delivering bad news. Don’t confuse a respectful tone with a contradictory message.
- Encourage openness. Foster an environment where open and honest communication is valued. Encourage others to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Listen to feedback and provide clarification if necessary.
In short, remember that the goal is not to abandon politeness, but to balance it with honesty, ensuring that our communications are both kind and effective. You will gain time, clarity and satisfaction.