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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Has your relationship been on the rocks for some time? A couples therapist reveals the question to ask yourself to take stock of your married life.
If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the difficulties encountered in your relationship, couples therapist and clinical sexologist Margaux Terrou wants to be reassuring: just one question allows you to take stock of your relationship.
Quality time for two
According to the specialist, interviewed by the magazine Psychologiesthe question systematically asked to couples received in consultation is “How much time do you spend together ?”
Although the question may seem basic, even simplistic, this is where the problem lies: “In consultation, I ask couples to time themselves in order to know how much time they really spend together. The observation is that couples spend quality time together, less than 30 minutes per day.deplores the sexologist.
As a reminder, quality time is time dedicated to others: getting together over a good meal, going to the theater, taking a walk together, watching a good film…
“It’s a time that we take with each other, to share a moment that we love”explains Margaux Terrou.
The specialist adds a concrete example “Watching a series on Netflix can be quality time, provided that the screens do not completely interfere in the couple’s life. Television or platforms should not be the couple’s “nanny”. This could be cooking together, going for walks with your partner or a sporting activity.she recalls.
Of course, this type of moment needs to be prepared: we need to talk to know each other’s needs and desires. “Without communication, it’s complicated to tell each other what we like and what we don’t like.”
A question validated by our expert
“How much time do you spend together is an excellent yet simple question, which I also systematically ask when I see a couple for a consultation. And the question is quite destabilizing for the couples who come to see us, because in fact they realize that the time spent is not that important, or even almost non-existent for some. Couple time spent together is not family time. Those are two different things !“, noted Amélie Boukhobza.
Same opinion on the screen side: quality time should not be easy time – by simply turning on the television…”Unless we discuss the film or the series“, she explains.
“I recommend giving yourself these moments: an evening for two outside the house, real discussions about past days, a movie, a theater, a walk, a shared activity or just going for a drink. And that begins with a good morning in the morning and a good night in the evening. I’m not even talking about a weekend or a few days given to the couple alone. Life together, you have to take care of it!”, recalls the psychologist.