Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
Taking an interest in your crush’s life during a first date is essential to discovering if a connection exists. But during this little game of seduction, there is still a question that should never be asked if you want to see the person again.
Is any question good to ask on a first date? After all, you are there to discover each other and perceive affinities or not, right? So are there any themes to censor? Or should we, on the contrary, allow ourselves everything?… The opinion of a coach.
THE question to postpone until later
For Kelsey Wonderlin, dating coach interviewed by CNBCthere is in fact a question which should not intervene at the first date: that of salary. Ask “How much do you earn?” on a first date can be perceived as intrusive and inappropriate, too direct, and give the impression that you are only interested in financial considerations. A first impression that can cool off your suitor and be fatal to a possible sequel.
“And even if you are told, the answer can be misleading, because a person’s salary is just one piece of data and does not necessarily reflect their relationship to money as a whole, nor its value.” Kelsey Wonderlin intervenes. It’s also unrealistic to think that if someone hits the expected number, everything will be fine.
Question your interests, rather than a number
On the other hand, it is not stupid to wonder about the lifestyle of a potential lover. “A lot of my clients, who are usually women in the financial industry, say, ‘I want someone who can keep up with my lifestyle.'” recognizes the coach. Knowing if you approach life in the same way can therefore be interesting from the moment you meet. But the expert offers a more subtle and more interesting alternative question for a first date:
“What do you like to spend your money on?”
So, a person who says they like to travel may have different priorities than someone who says they like to buy valuable accessories, or someone who hopes to buy a house. And that can give you more guidance. Such a question allows us to glimpse a compatibility or not, without judging a salary precisely.
Money management, a question to address (but later)
Salary therefore turns out to be taboo on a first date. However, if you must date, financial management remains a subject to be discussed quickly. It is not so much a question here, and material considerations, as of sharing the same values and needing stable and common bases to build a solid relationship. Money, as we know, remains a major cause of conflict in couples.
Knowing how to talk openly about your expectations as a couple therefore remains essential. But that can still wait for a few more meetings…
Slide: Hands, lips… Decode the signs during a first date!