Ten little words to say at the right time, to boost your child’s well-being and confidence.
All children doubt themselves. Faced with an academic difficulty, an argument or a sporting failure, it is not uncommon to hear them depreciate themselves. As parents, our first instinct is often to reassure them with general compliments or well-meaning encouragement. But these approaches are not always enough to dispel their doubts. Fortunately, experts point to a simple and effective phrase for turning these difficult moments into opportunities to boost their confidence.
According to psychology doctor Robyn Silverman, parents need to go beyond generic compliments. In reality, children need to hear something that resonates with their experience and strengths. A more appropriate approach would then consist of placing their difficulty in a context that they understand. For example, instead of just saying “You’re good at math.”during a failed assignment, you could remind them of a specific moment when they showed their determination: “Remember that problem you solved the other day after thinking for a long time? It was difficult, but you managed it thanks to your persistence.”
By relating their strengths to a real-world situation, you give them the tools to see their abilities in a different light. Another example, if your child is disappointed about losing a soccer match, avoid simply saying: “Don’t worry, you’ll be better next time.” Prefer a sentence like: “One thing I know about you is that you always give everything for your team. Remember that match in the rain where you played until the last minute, even when everyone was tired?“By highlighting a specific fact, you will help him focus on his strengths and not on his temporary weaknesses. You will understand this, thanks to the wording “One thing I know about you is…,” you show your child a positive image of themselves that they can believe in and use to confront their doubts.
As Dr. Silverman explains, our role is then to become “strength seekers,” capable of illuminating their qualities from a new angle. The key is to focus on concrete facts and behaviors that they know to be true. This approach, anchored in reality, allows them to believe in these qualities, unlike vague statements that may seem disconnected from their experience. This phrase acts like a mirror, reflecting its strengths through your eyes, while grounding itself in real-life experiences. So the next time your child doubts himself, remember this phrase and the power of well-chosen words.