Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Want to reconnect with some old contacts? A method developed by several researchers seems to have proven its worth. Also discover the advice of our psychologist, Amélie Boukhobza.
Due to time, daily concerns or the vagaries of life, we sometimes lose touch with friends. Getting back in touch then seems difficult, if not impossible. However, a very simple trick – developed by researchers from Simon Fraser and Sussex universities – allows us to take the plunge. The results of this research were published in the journal Communications Psychology.
“Warming up psychologically”
To help as many people as possible reconnect with old friends, psychologists from Simon Fraser University and the University of Sussex conducted a large survey of 2,500 people. Among them, more than 90% of the candidates wanted to reconnect with a friend but were having trouble taking the plunge. Only a third of them managed to send a message.
According to Lara Aknin, a psychologist at Simon Fraser University, this negative or anxious feeling that we can have towards our former friends has a name: it is the famous “psychological distance”. This can occur when life paths diverge… or when shared moments (or values) diminish.
This phenomenon can lead to feelings of unease, nostalgia or even guilt, as the emotional connection that existed is no longer there, creating a gap in the relationship.
To overcome this “psychological distance”, there was only one solution: warm up. One group spent three minutes writing messages to current acquaintances, while another group browsed social networks.
A warm-up that bears fruit since 53% of people who wrote finally sent their message, against only 31% of those in the group “social networks“.
Conclusions that do not surprise Lara Aknin. The psychologist recommends sending messages to your current friends, before writing to the friend in question (you just have to change the name of the recipient with that of an old friend). All you have to do is press the send button… and it’s done!
Feeling good in your body, feeling good in your head!
According to Amélie Boukhobza, warming up psychologically allows you to make “more natural and less stressful interaction“, SO “Why not !“.
“It has the potential to reduce anxiety by putting us in a social and communicative frame of mind. Beginning by writing to current friends prepares us psychologically, offering a smoother transition and more fluid exchanges. This approach can also avoid the overly formal or awkward messages that are common when trying to reconnect after a long time,” she says.
However, it is important to ask why these links have become strained.
“If friendship has lost its meaning, is it really necessary to revive it? It may be wiser to focus one’s energy on one’s current relationships or to devote oneself to creating new ones that better correspond to one’s values and interests of the moment, no?” asks the psychologist.
Indeed, if ‘reconnecting with lost friends can be enriching if circumstances allow’, let’s not force it either “connections that are no longer natural or beneficial!” advises Amélie Boukhobza, in conclusion.