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Updated
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Communication is an essential element in a relationship. To communicate well with your partner, there is a method, called the six-minute method or 3-2-1 method. Doctissimo explains to you what this consists of, with the opinion of Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
When you’re in a relationship, whether it’s been ten days, ten months or ten years, communication is essential. Here is a simple technique, called the 3-2-1 method, to maintain good exchanges with your partner.
Communication based on frankness, empathetic listening and reflection
This method is based on exchanges carried out in turns, exchanges which last only six minutes, with different stages. As its name suggests, it comes in three stages which last three, then two and finally 1 minute.
First, one member of the couple speaks for three minutes, while their partner listens in silence. It is possible to use a stopwatch to evaluate the duration of this monologue. Once the time is up, conclude in one sentence, without dragging on, because it is important to respect the allotted time. For his part, your partner must listen to you, without interrupting you. It is therefore better, the first few times, to discuss “easy” subjects before tackling more difficult ones.
Once these three minutes have passed, you must set your timer for two minutes. This is the time the partner has to think about what you said. He must use this time to paraphrase what he has heard or say that he has understood, but must not pass judgment or be indignant at the comments. Finally, you must program the stopwatch for one minute.
During this time, you can speak again to respond to comments received. This time should be used to repeat an important concept said previously or thank your partner for listening. At the end of these six minutes, it is time to reverse the roles and allow your partner to speak in turn, according to the same pattern.
A technique that allows you to speak without being cut off
Questioned, psychologist Amélie Boukhobza finds that this method allows you to express yourself without being interrupted. “I find this technique very interesting. In particular the fact that we can speak without ever being cut off. There is real listening in a limited time and not infinite, which allows you to really think” indicates the expert.
“In the same way, the limited response time also makes it possible not to get caught up in only frontal reactions, which would only reinforce tensions instead of defusing them.. For the specialist, the method can work if the subject is not too “heated” or if we have taken the time to think about it, before expressing ourselves.
To communicate well, as a couple, it is important to “letting yourself speak and listening to what the other is saying without constantly cutting them off“notes the psychologist.”To do this, we can use formulations based on ourselves such as “I feel….”, “I feel…” rather than targeting the other “you…”. The other will feel less targeted, less attacked, less attacked and will therefore be more attentive..
Finally, Amélie Boukhobza recommends trying to approach disagreements with the idea of finding a solution, a compromise and not simply wanting to gain the upper hand over the other by being right at all costs. And “If it’s too complicated, we don’t hesitate to consult a couples therapist to be able to talk while listening to each other with their help, because they will be able to mediate during the discussions, if necessary” she concludes.
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