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According to a study, a language element in the couple (of which you may not be aware) would be the sign of a fulfilled and lasting relationship. To be checked in your couple!
Words have meaning and the words used in a relationship can say a lot about your bond. This is how a study observed and analyzed the way we talk about our significant other and our lives. One word in particular seems to be important.
Speaking as “we” is a sign of a happy couple
This element of language to watch is the fact of speaking in “we” and not in “I” when we refer to life events or current projects. This is called “we talk” in English. A meta-analysis of 30 studies on the consequences of the pronoun “we” thus revealed that this practice had positive consequences for couples and individuals. Individuals who include their partner are more likely to report greater marital satisfaction over time. On the other hand, pronouncing this word would not have an effect on the satisfaction of those who hear it (and who perhaps find you corny!), but only of those who use the pronoun.
Why? Because this famous “we” represents “a state of cognitive interdependence, a pluralistic and collective representation of the self in relation”, explains the research. In short, a two-person view of life.
The “we” also protects the couple from stress
The research team wanted to take the pronoun’s benefits a step further. They recruited 77 heterosexual couples who had at least one child under the age of seven in their full-time care. (The presence of children was a prerequisite for participation, as young children are known to be stressors in relationships.) The research team wanted to find out whether using “we talk” protected couples from the negative consequences of raising children.
Each couple was asked to rate their relationship satisfaction. Then each partner was asked to conduct a marital discussion on “the most difficult aspect of raising young children and the impact it has had on your relationship with your partner” and how they would like their partner to change their parenting practices. The presence of “we” was then sought in the discourse. A relationship satisfaction scale was also asked at 6 months and one year later.
With what results?
- Partners who engaged in less “we” in private conversation tended to experience declining marital satisfaction over time;
- This decline was not seen among those who engaged in higher levels of pronoun use.
So if you value your duo, swapping “I” for “we” can sometimes be better than a sweet word.
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