Some parents experience that the baby’s sleep has always been difficult. Others think that the baby found it easier to fall asleep after the first months, and that it could then sleep for several hours straight. Maybe the baby woke up a few times during the night but there was usually no major danger, with a little help it was good to fall asleep again. Now, in the second half of the year, that may have changed.
Parents sometimes describe it as the baby suddenly waking up once an hour or more and being sad, that it has difficulty coming to rest. The baby can also be like a patch on the parents, as if it can not get close enough. The parents themselves may be exhausted from lack of sleep.
From the child’s perspective is the changed sleep and the increased need for closeness is quite reasonable, says Antonia Reuter, a psychologist in Gothenburg who for many years has been particularly interested in young children’s sleep.
– So much happens with children’s development at this age – with the body, emotionally and socially. This means that many children need to have their parents closer now, and that it is more difficult for them to be separated from those who are their security.
So what’s going on?
One thing is that children at this age are more mobile and active.
– Many can sit, some have gradually started to crawl or get around in another way and some pull themselves up to standing. They are curious, more aware of the world around them and try to understand more. These are big changes. The child sees the world around him from new perspectives, says Antonia Reuter.
The changes make the child’s world so much bigger, so much more exciting – and, perhaps, more frightening.
At the same time, the baby’s sleep pattern develops, and the baby does not need as much sleep as before.
– If the child previously slept on three occasions during the day, it may now have decreased to two occasions. And the night’s sleep gradually gets longer and longer sleep shifts, says Antonia Reuter.
Also the eating and eating habits are changing. Now it is no longer just breast milk and / or breast milk substitutes that apply. The amount of food may need to be adjusted, and the child may need to eat at other times than before.
Parents’ expectations of how children should sleep do not correspond to reality
Sometimes this period also coincides with the parents trying to get the baby used to breastfeeding or bottle-feeding.
– Then the baby needs time to get used to not falling asleep at the breast, or after a while with the bottle.
All this affects the child.
– It is processed in the child’s brain during the night, and it can for a period lead to the child having a harder time falling asleep at night, that he wakes up more often at night and that he can not fall asleep again on his own – and the child may need to be held more , be with the parent for a long time ,, says Antonia Reuter.
As a parent, you can be both exhausted and anxious, and you may wonder what you are doing wrong.
You do nothing wrong, says Antonia Reuter.
– I have met many families who have struggled with life when the child is not sleeping as you as a parent expect – because it is often the case; that parents’ expectations of how children should sleep do not correspond to reality. But if you know it can be like this, then you are more prepared. Then you do not have to think about whether you have done something wrong or if you have to train away some behavior in the child, but then you can help your child.
As a parent needs one also let go of all thoughts that it must be in a certain way, or as it has been before, she says.
– Earlier in the child’s life, the parents, based on the child’s needs, found working attitudes and routines around sleep and food. Now it is not certain that those routines will work anymore.
The baby may no longer be tired at six or seven o’clock, and it may take a little porridge or a longer time with dad or mom before the baby is ready to fall asleep.
The period that is going on right now, and which is getting so strong for some children, can be one of the toughest
As a parent, you need to be sensitive, says Antonia Reuter.
– Take it easy and observe the child. For example, pay attention to whether the child shows any signs of fatigue, signs that now the child needs to sleep – and it may be a completely different time than when the child has used to fall asleep.
Just like old routines, plans for the future can also crash during this period. As a parent, you can feel stressed.
This is exactly how life is with children, says Antonia Reuter.
– But the period that is going on right now, and which is becoming so strong for some children, can be one of the toughest. Of course, you may have had a hard time getting to know your child during the very first time, but after three, four months, you may still have been able to land together – and here it comes, again! You do not recognize yourself.
– But if you understand that it may have to do with the child’s development and changed food and sleeping patterns, you may feel that “Okay, now it’s like this for a period. Then we must do our best to fix it ”.
Eva-Lotta Funkquist is a midwife, pediatric nurse and senior lecturer at Uppsala University. She has worked a lot with children’s sleep, and she also addresses unrealistic expectations as a reason for what we experience as sleep disorders in children.
– We may have a greater acceptance that a small child requires our presence and needs help to deal with his emotions, but when the child approaches eight months, we expect that need to have decreased. We expect the child to be able to manage more on their own, sleep more and sleep all night – at the same time as the child’s need for sleep decreases. It is not surprising if our expectations clash with reality.
That an eight-month-old baby wants to be close to his parents is normal, says Eva-Lotta Funkquist.
– And it does not really end at eight months, it applies to all small children.
The psychologist’s tips
● When the child changes sleeping habits, starts waking up more often and wants to be close, he or she needs to feel secure that you as a parent are there and understand. How you treat and help the child matters, and if you can stay calm, that child will help.
● Try to, together with the other parent / parents or another close relative who knows the child well, agree on how you / she can get relief and more sleep.
● Do not change anything radically if it has previously worked at bedtime and during waking up at night. The child may need more help for a while, but it does not have to be about getting food in the middle of the night, but more about finding other ways to calm down.
● Be attentive and sensitive to what the child is signaling. What do the baby’s sleeping times look like during the day and at night? When do you see signs of fatigue in the baby? Adjusting the baby’s sleep and meal times can make a difference to get a better sleep, as well as helping the baby understand the difference between day and night.
● Try to think that this is a transition period that is usually related to the child’s development – and that it passes (but sometimes sleep problems and increased need for closeness in children can be due to something other than development – maybe things happen in the family’s social situation that stress the parents, and thus affecting the child).
● It can be good to contact the nurse at BVC – sometimes difficulties with the child’s sleep can be a sign of illness that needs attention.
Source: Antonia Reuter, psychologist
The pediatric nurse’s tips
● If you have sleep deprivation: ignore the disk and the TV series when the child has fallen asleep for the evening. Instead, lie down and sleep. It can give you more sleep, as children tend to sleep deeper during the first hours of night’s sleep (they often fall asleep sometime between 20 and 22).
● If the child has more than one parent, be sure to share the responsibility and sleep. Perhaps one parent can get up early with the child so that the other can also sleep. If you know that after 5 o’clock I can sleep anyway, then I can do a little more – and then you are also more prepared to be close when the child needs closeness.
● Activate your network. They can help you so that you get enough sleep.
Remember that it is perfectly normal for children to eat at night. Some want to suck very many times, maybe almost all the time, while others are content to suck only once, or never.
● If the child sleeps very superficially, it is not only negative – children who sleep superficially can become dry earlier, it has been seen. This is because children who urinate in bed often sleep very deeply and are not awakened by the signals they receive from the body.
Source: Eva-Lotta Funkquist, pediatric nurse and midwife