Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you know each other’s little faults and you may have a tendency to ask them to “make an effort” instead of accepting them. An attitude that can lead the couple to their downfall, according to a psychologist.
Over the years, a couple learns to know each other and, above all, to know each other’s faults. If we cannot accept everything, it is also harmful to constantly ask others to “make an effort” to change. Clinical psychologist Aurore Bévalot explains why in an article for Femina.
An injunction that turns into a killer of love
The people who tend to ask this of their partner are those who have a constant need to question themselves, to make efforts themselves. It is therefore quite natural that they ask the same sacrifice from their spouse. But by putting this pressure on the other’s shoulders, it can lead to the couple’s downfall.
Constant questioning, harmful for the couple
According to the clinical psychologist, this attitude often emanates from “people who grew up in an environment where they were always asked to do more, to always be at the maximum of their abilities, to always give the best of themselves“.
According to the expert, they become adults who feel that they must “always make an effort to improve and not take the easy route“. And once in a relationship, they transpose this way of functioning onto the other. An approach that is harmful to the couple, in the long term.
The psychologist then discusses two scenarios:
- If you are the person who imposes efforts on the other, “try to get back to basics by setting simple goals to be satisfied with what you do without always asking yourself for more” she recommends. “By letting go, you will feel better and your relationship will be even more peaceful.” ;
- If you experience this type of injunction from your partner, learn to limit their need for effort.”by highlighting all the challenges that he or she has managed to overcome, all the positive points that can enhance him or her“. Because according to the expert, “These people have a great need for recognition and feeling valued and recognized in their positive actions will reassure them.”
Slide: Romantic breakup: 8 signs that the couple is over