The fear of rejection is most often born during childhood.
Fear of rejection is the very strong fear of being excluded by others. This fear can be projected onto everyone around you: relatives, friends, colleagues… It is often irrational, because there is no objective reason which would justify this rejection. It is also referred to today as the “rejection wound” that arises from past experiences. “I would say that the hurt of rejection and the fear of rejection are two synonyms, except that the first has become a little more marketing”explains Emma Pisarz, psychologist. Living with the fear of rejection is a daily burden.
The fear of rejection is most often born during childhood. It can occur very early, if the link with the parents is not well established. “This can also happen later, if we are harassed at school for example, or later at work. The earlier we were confronted with significant social exclusion, the more this fear will develop”continues the psychologist. This experience will then create defense mechanisms having consequences on the way we recognize ourselves and on the relationship we have with others. In other words, rejection will reactivate throughout life. “It is the people who are less surrounded, often with low self-esteem and little self-confidence, who will be more inclined to develop this fear” observes Emma Pisarz.
According to her, several behaviors show a fear of rejection such as:
- difficulty integrating into a circle of people, reaching out to others
- avoidant behaviors (isolating yourself to avoid exposing yourself to others, refusing to become attached to someone by establishing a distance), running away.
- a shyness
- low self-esteem: this involves a discrepancy between what we think of ourselves and reality and imagining that others think the same thing about us.
- over-adapting and not expressing your needs. This phenomenon is called “social masking”.
“The fear of rejection can prevent one from embarking on certain projects, prevent one from reaching out to others, or from deepening friendships or romantic relationships” deplores our expert. Fortunately, it is possible to fight against this fear to find peace. As the fear of rejection echoes trauma, “it’s about working on these and realizing that this fear of rejection does not define us. It’s a fear like any other”reassures Emma Pisarz. If you don’t know how to behave when faced with a person who is afraid of rejection, know that you need to reassure them a lot and get them to gain confidence in the relationship.