You say “no” to your child, but he always finds a way to get a little of what he wants, thanks to the art of negotiation. Often, he agrees to listen to you, but under conditions. Here is the attitude to adopt towards those who like to argue.
When the rules are not always clear and children believe they can get what they want with a little insistence, they do not hesitate to negotiate. Some have even gotten into the habit and tend to argue each of our decisions or requests. “Okay, I’ll clean my room, but then you give me a candy“. “Why do I have to go to bed, while you watch TV?” Sensitive to injustices, these children have already mastered, at their age, the art of negotiation. A leisure center director for over thirty years gives parents her valuable advice when dealing with a child who negotiates everything, all the time.
She advises initially to avoid giving orders to the child. We therefore avoid reprimands and threats such as “if you don’t put your toys away, I will give them to another child”. Instead, offer him a choice between two things: “Do you prefer to put away the construction games or the little cars that are lying around first? So, the question is not whether or not he will clean his room, and the child makes the decision himself. “Would you rather play longer in the bath or read a story together?“. So, “by involving the child in decisions, he will no longer have any reason to negotiate, since he is the one who made it.” explains Brigitte who also recommends promoting responsibilities by opting for natural consequences.
For example, rather than punishing your child every time he opposes our decisions, we try to make him experience the consequences of his decisions. We therefore adopt another approach such as:if you don’t want to eat anymore, it’s your choice, but you will have to wait until the next meal to have something else“.
We also replace the “if” and “else” which often announce threats, with “either”, recommends the specialist. In this way, we encourage him to make decisions and take responsibility for his choices. “Either you brush your teeth right now and we’ll read another story, or you’re wasting your time, and we won’t have time for the story“.
You will have understood, giving the child the choice between two options, allows him to take a little control, in a good way. He will be more able to collaborate with mom and dad, and a little less conflicted. However, stay firm on boundaries and rules that are non-negotiable.