They are three best friends and daughters – of three mothers who died by suicide

Lola, Felizia and Elvira have long been best friends.

Over the years they have shared a lot – now they also share the experience of losing a mother to suicide.

– Three mothers are too many, says Felizia.

On the glass table is a Christmas must, a bowl with gingerbread hearts – and three photographs.

There are three women, three mothers – who are no longer alive.

Elvira Olsson Sterky, 21, and Lola Duell Woody, 22, lie on the couch with their legs intertwined.

Opposite sits Felizia Gustavsson, 22, on the floor.

Outside the window it is snowing and cold, but in the living room of the apartment on Södermalm in Stockholm, the atmosphere is warm – despite what we are now going to talk about.

What exactly is mental illness? Are you angry at someone who took their own life? And above all, how does life go on when one’s mother has died by suicide?

It was through the troop gymnastics that they met and it was there that their lives became intertwined. Three friends who would lose their mothers to suicide.

– Many people think that we got to know each other after our mothers died, but we were friends long before everything happened, says Felizia Gustavsson.

Felizia and mother Åsa

For Felizia Gustavsson, the nightmare came true through a phone call on January 24, 2023. She received the death notice from her brother.

– Mother had suffered from mental illness all my life. So I knew she was feeling bad, but not that bad.

Felizia Gustavsson holds tightly to a piece of gold jewelry that represents a rainbow when she tells about that conversation.

She was at work, but quickly got into a taxi to the hospital.

– The whole taxi ride I sat and cried. Finally the driver asked me if I was sorry because someone I knew was sick. And when I jumped out of the car he said he hoped it would be all right.

– But then I thought, no, this will never get better, says Felizia Gustavsson.

Elvira and mother Kristina

Just over five years earlier, the police had knocked on the home of Elvira Olsson Sterky.

It was June 26, 2018 and they had found mother Kristina’s car dumped outside on Lidingö in Stockholm.

– The police naturally wondered if we knew where she was. But after a few hours we learned that they believed that mother had probably died by suicide.

It took a few weeks before Elvira Olsson Sterky’s mother was found.

– I have difficulty remembering what happened in my life before my mother’s death. I remember the summer it happened and the years after, but the time before is a blurry cloud.

She falls silent for a moment before continuing:

– I don’t think that the memory of someone should exist – it is the person who should exist.

Nevertheless, Elvira Olsson Sterky is not angry with her mother.

– No, I’m hurt that I won’t be able to ask my mother about what it was like to have a child. Or what it was like for her to get married. There is so much that she did not have time to tell about her life. We never had time to drink wine together.

Lola and mother Anna

Lola Duell Woody adjusts her shirt before taking a deep breath and recounting the day she found her mother dead.

She was at school when the feeling that something was wrong began to creep into her body.

– It was like I knew something terrible had happened. I came home after school and my mother’s door was ajar. I went in and found her lying on the floor, she says.

Lola Duell Woody called her father who called an ambulance.

– It was an extreme shock. I remember going over to the neighbors and after that I don’t remember much of the day that came.

Lola Duell Woody’s mother died on October 1st, 2013. In the years that followed, she would never tell her friends how her mother died.

– I didn’t want that baggage, but it was impossible to get away. I developed an extreme fear of death. For years after my mother’s death, I thought I was going to die and that everyone around me was going to die.

It would take until 2018 before Lola Duell Woody dared to tell.

– I was with Elvira when she learned that her mother had committed suicide. It was the first time I dared to tell anyone about what happened to my mother.

– Without Elvira and Felizia, I hardly think I would dare to talk about suicide today.

“A disease like cancer”

Under the name MORS, the friends post videos on social media. Together, they want to increase knowledge about suicide. And a few weeks ago, they started selling jewelry to finance the common dream – to be able to help others.

– I have felt many times that what happened to me is pointless. It is of course a trauma that will never go away, but with MOTHER I still feel meaning. A meaning to help others, says Elvira Olsson Sterky.

The girls say they want to lecture and let more people use their channels to share stories about suicide.

– It is difficult to talk about suicide in our society. It is probably due to a taboo, a misunderstanding about choosing to take one’s life. That it’s something ugly, like you couldn’t solve your well-being, says Elvira and continues:

– But it is a disease and it is just as much a disease as cancer.

Felizia Gustavsson gets up from the floor and sits down on the sofa between the friends. She says that in retrospect she wished she had asked her mother more about how she was feeling.

– Mental illness can express itself in different ways, but if you feel bad, you need help, she says.

Elvira Olsson Sterky and Lola Duell Woody agree.

– Mental illness does not have to be fatal, but it can be. I think you can dare to ask someone if they are suicidal if you see warning signs, says Elvira Olsson Sterky.

– It will not arouse anything in the person you ask. It is not dangerous to dare to ask, on the contrary, it is vital. Either the person does not feel suicidal and then the question does not matter. Or the person feels suicidal and then you can get a chance to help the person.

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