These parents who absolutely want their child to be gifted

The gifted arouse many fantasies. Gabriel Rafi is a neuropsychologist, specializing in children and adolescents. He receives in his two offices (Parisian and Dubai) suffering children. Either because they are gifted and have difficulty adapting, or because they are not, and suffer from excessive expectations from their parents. The opportunity to take stock of this neuroatypicity.

Little geniuses, atypical, turbulent … We hear a lot of fantasies about gifted children. Can we finally agree on a definition?

We do not become high potential (HP), we are born high potential. When the child has atypical abilities, clearly above the average in several areas, and has an IQ above 130, then he is gifted. In France, we also speak of giftedness, intellectual precocity, or zebra children. It’s pretty much the same. Today there is a fad, but I observe a deep ignorance and many false beliefs on the subject.

My child sucks in class, is he a gifted person who ignores himself?

Many parents and teachers believe that because an HP kid has to be good everywhere, get 20 on all the exams, that they need to do a major education. He must also be able to adapt to everyone. This is totally wrong! Most HPs have around 10 or 11 on average. They say to themselves that by having the minimum, we will leave them alone. Or, many fail at school because they do not follow the rules.

According to your definition of precocity, some parents would be tempted to believe in the giftedness of their offspring …

Parents’ expectations are extremely high for children, who, as a result, go off completely when they can no longer meet them. A 5 year old child who does not want to sit at the table for 1 hour is not gifted, he is just 5 years old! Or, he does not respect the framework imposed by the parents and defies parental authority. It is, in this case, just painful! Or it has specific needs. So, it is the adult who does not succeed in correctly imposing an educational model with his child.

What are the clues that can alert you to the atypical nature of my child?

There are many clues: specific interests, such as dinosaurs, stars, or the lives of presidents; an appetite for reading; a thirst for intellectual stimulation, under penalty of having the impression of wasting time; very good memory and reasoning skills. Most often, we also see a good verbal level and very good speed of execution to find the right reasoning.

And on an emotional level?

The child presents, most of the time, a strong generalized anxiety, in particular in the field of the performance. And that can be a problem for him. He will have extremely expressive or extroverted behaviors, and will provoke the adult to test him. Or, conversely, he will be extremely inhibited. This anxiety will stay inside and he will adopt a rather immature behavior.

From what age can we observe these signs?

Very early, from 3 or 4 years old. But the diagnosis is established more easily from the age of 4, because the child is in school. We can observe his interactions with other adults and children of his age, and whether or not he respects a framework imposed by the teacher.

We tend to say that they are hypersensitive children. Is that the case ?

On the psychological level, gifted children tend to be worthless and lack self-confidence. Added to their hypersensitivity, the slightest little remark is very violent. It’s like turning all the spotlight in a stadium on to something wrong. For them, it is very violent and very hard to live with.

To parents who want their child to become high potential, what do you tell them?

That they have a problem! Being high potential is not a gift, but rather a handicap. I dare say it. Especially when the child or teen is still in school. You have to keep in mind the image of a salmon going back, against the grain, schooling. Wanting that for a child is clearly missing the mark.

And if the parents don’t budge: Chouchou is a little genius?

The important thing to remember is that the only way to identify a high potential child is to have them take the test. He will confirm his abilities, regardless of parents’ expectations or observations.