Some people can, through their behavior, drain all your energy. Here’s how to spot them.
Some people, even close ones, can manage to drain you of all your energy, both physical and emotional. They are sometimes called, for the sake of image, “psychic vampires”. These people are forced to rely on others to meet their needs and cope with their emotions. With them, you can feel stuck between wanting to help and wanting to run away, ending up feeling completely drained. Certain signs can help you spot these individuals in your surroundings.
1. Being negative all the time. Negativity is one of the first characteristics of people that will drain you of energy. This can involve complaining all the time, constantly criticizing, or always only seeing the bad sides of things. Being in their presence can quickly impact your mood.
2. Constantly ask for support. These people are very dependent on others and are continually seeking attention from those around them. This may mean calling or messaging every day for support or help. “These are people who have no emotional autonomy”, analyzed the child psychiatrist, Stéphane Clerget, in his book Psychic vampires: how to recognize them, how to escape them? (Fayard, 2018). If you don’t react, these people will make you feel guilty by questioning your feelings, using some form of emotional blackmail. We must therefore set limits.
3. Victimize yourself. To gain empathy, the “vampires” pretend to suffer all the misfortunes of the world. They then place all guilt on others or on external facts and take no responsibility. Being faced with a person who is victimizing themselves can quickly be exhausting.
4. Not being a good listener. With people who drain your energy, the relationship lacks reciprocity. Communication is one way, they don’t really listen to you, always bringing the conversation back to their own problems. This can make you feel unimportant. “These are people who tend to talk about themselves for hours and who constantly have to be helpful. But as soon as we ask them something, they find an excuse,” assures the child psychiatrist.
5. Being defensive. This type of person cannot tolerate any form of criticism, even when it is politely formulated. She takes any comment as an attack and then reacts with hostility. Such behavior can create a tense atmosphere and prevent you from speaking your mind for fear of such a reaction.
When dealing with these people, it is important to protect your mental and even physical health. It is then preferable to recognize such individuals. The choice is then up to you to talk to him about it or to distance yourself.