These 8 parental behaviors that prevent children from becoming responsible adults

As parents, we all want to bring the best to our children, and make them responsible and confident adults. But by exceeding certain limits (sometimes by excess of kindness), we sometimes do not send the right signals, or even make our children capricious. Here are 8 behaviors to stop as parents if we want to promote autonomy and moderation in our dear little ones.

Spoiling your children (too much)

Toys, beautiful clothes, rewards… You don’t want to create “spoiled” children, but nevertheless, you are often tempted to buy a gift, to please your child, sometimes for no reason (and to even more so when you have lacked it in the past). This habit is, however, harmful because it conditions the child to depend on material things, and to consume ever more. It is better to spend time with your child than to compensate for this with a material object or an expense. “Finding daily time to play and connect with your children is one of the best things a parent can do to combat most behaviors” family therapist LeNaya Smith Crawford confirmed to HuffPost last month.

Overcompensating (and playing good or bad parent)

Be careful if you don’t have the same parenting style as a couple. If Mr. (or Mrs.) is more rigid, do not become too lax in response, to compensate for what you find too strict (or too authoritarian if the other parent seems too relaxed). The discrepancy is disturbing for the child, who risks losing his bearings but also changing his behavior depending on the person in front of him. To avoid this, it is important that parents find common ground on how to educate.

Overprotect your child

Yes, being a parent means always being afraid that something bad will happen to your child and that can be scary. However, it is not a question of resolving one’s own difficulties for oneself. By doing this, you are not teaching him to face challenges, to cope on his own, or to digest his failures. The right attitude? Support him, encourage him, and be there in case of need, or in times of difficulty. But without acting in the child’s place.

Dramatize their academic difficulties

We generally expect too much from our child’s academic results (grades being a priority for parents), which can place them in a state of stress… and failure, paradoxically. Dramatizing your grades is an error that places learning as a punishment, at a time when the child must assimilate dozens of concepts. It is therefore important to never label your child as bad, incapable, or lazy, but to let go of grades and encourage their efforts. On the other hand, if you notice a real dropout, nothing prevents you from putting a solution in place, such as support for example.

Being a bad role model in front of him

If you want to make your child a resourceful and responsible adult, remember that children generally imitate everything their parents do. It’s difficult to demand that he tidy his room if you’re a junkie fan, or that he take down screens if you’re also addicted to it. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, of course. But, you may have to work a little on yourself and your principles, if you want them to be heard.

Denigrating the other parent

In some couples, still together or separated, there is a rivalry over who will win the attention and love of the children. But criticizing your other half is harmful behavior for the couple as for the child, who must become an arbiter and can also turn this around to exceed his authority. To banish from your daily life!

Fear of upsetting your child

Faced with tantrums and tears, it is tempting (and quicker) to give in to a child’s whims to find calm and move on. To know if this is an appropriate response, always ask yourself the question: what message am I sending (by purchasing this balloon because of a crisis in a department)? By constantly giving in to your child, you convey to him the idea that everything is granted to him and that nothing can be refused to him.

Devaluing your child’s potential

Many parents also project their own dreams for their future onto their children and do not see the real strengths they develop. However, these children are not here to fulfill us, but to chart their own path. It is therefore important to encourage them in activities and subjects that are important to them, even if they are not the ones you have chosen. To grow, it is important that they feel your pride!

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