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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
In terms of love, are you one of those who are satisfied with little? Big mistake. For your well-being, learn to reevaluate your criteria.
Many of your friends regularly tell you that you are settling for too little in love? It is high time to act! Learn to identify these 4 signs that your expectations in your romantic relationships are too low.
Being satisfied with (too) little: a common behavior in love
In a society where couple relationships are often valued, many individuals prefer to settle for little in love to avoid finding themselves alone.
However, when one’s own standards are lowered, “this can lead to a form of dissatisfaction, resentment and potentially unhealthy relationship dynamics“, revealed Psychology Today.
These “standards” or “criteria”, however, constitute the bases of a healthy and balanced relationship, believes Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
“When we talk about “standards,” we are actually referring to the general rules that are essential to the well-being of any couple. If we cross the line into tolerating humiliation, insults or violence, we enter a zone where the damage can be deep and difficult to repair. Even irreversible!” she warns.
Indeed, “it is essential to know your own boundariesto put them down and hold on to them firmly, under penalty of losing yourself“, adds the practitioner.
The 4 signs that you are settling for little
When we don’tnot aiming high enough“where we are”too good for the other“, this implies that our standards as a couple are too low.
“Certain behaviors are then tolerated, even justified, by forms of submission, often out of fear of losing the other, of finding oneself alone, or of facing a conflict…“, analyzes Amélie Boukhobza.
However, four fundamental limits “must never be crossed”, reveals our expert psychologist.
- humiliation (the other person puts you down);
- the threat (the other scares you);
- jealousy or envy;
- the fact of giving without return. On this last point, “whether in gestures, attention or emotional involvement, the balance is disrupted and we find ourselves constantly making compromises to maintain a relationship which, deep down, no longer nourishes us. And above all does not correspond to our expectations,” indicates the specialist.
By accepting these 4 “indicators”, we are in fact validating attitudes that we should never tolerate in a relationship. However, these deviations can quickly harm us.
“When we begin to accept the unacceptable, whether it’s small humiliations disguised as “jokes” or a constant lack of effort on the other side, it’s often a sign that something is wrong. If we find ourselves constantly justifying disrespectful behavior, downplaying hurtful words, or convincing ourselves that “it’s not that bad,” it may be because we have become accustomed to less than what we really deserve”, supports the psychologist.
Listen to your inner voice
Finally, if you think that your expectations are too low in your relationship and that you are being “crushed” in the name of love… trust your intuitions.
“This little inner voice that we stifle, the one that whispers to us that we deserve better, but that we prefer to ignore for fear of finding ourselves alone or provoking conflict… This voice is time to listen to it!”, says Amélie Boukhobza. “Otherwise we lose sight of the essential: self-respect, and the conviction that we deserve a relationship that elevates us rather than demeans us.” she concludes.
Slide: The consequences of lack of self-esteem on relationships with others