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Certain sentences thrown out of anger or fatigue can have harmful consequences on the child’s emotional and mental development. Here are the phrases to eliminate from your communication and their alternatives.
It’s not easy raising a child. If parenthood is a space of intense joy, frustrations and anger, added to fatigue, can make us lose our composure. Unfortunately, in these moments, we sometimes blurt out words that can damage the child’s building confidence… Which is not the purpose of the reprimand.
“You are (like this, not enough like that)”, a turn of phrase to avoid
The first recognized error of psychologists is to use generalizations, especially when they freeze the child in a negative space: a “you are naughty”, “you are naughty” is common when we are angry. However, blame often has a more negative impact than necessary, even if we don’t mean it.
- It leads to a loss of self-confidence. The child may believe he is really naughty and have low self-esteem;
- It can go as far as self-destructive behavior, to match the given label;
- This type of reproach can strain your relationships, with the child potentially feeling distrust towards the parent who makes them.
3 phrases to remove from your parents’ vocabulary
In this logic, and in order not to undermine your child’s confidence, there would therefore be 3 phrases precisely to no longer use on a daily basis.
- “You are always… (susceptible, slow…)”: This sentence can ultimately make the child believe that whatever his efforts, he is incapable of changing or evolving. This affects him in his development.
- “You will never be able to…”: This phrase can instill a feeling of helplessness in the child. His self-confidence is directly questioned, thereby reducing his self-confidence. He may lose all motivation.
- “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?” : The comparison can both undermine his self-esteem and also cause jealousy among siblings.
What are the possible alternatives?
Fortunately, it is always possible to realize the impact of your words and change your communication. The idea is not to remain silent, but to express your expectations in a clear and above all constructive way, through positive affirmations which lead the child to move forward. Negative words can be rephrased into positive communication:
“You’re bad at math.” can absolutely become “I see you had difficulty with this control. How can we help you with the next one?”
“You’re still crying, that’s enough.” can become “I see you’re sad, can we talk about it?”
Positive communication, which perhaps requires more composure and perspective on the part of the parent, but which promotes self-esteem and encourages mutual respect. It also teaches the child to react in a calm and positive way to those around them.
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