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Some grandparents are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives. While most of the time it’s pleasant, there are certain thoughts on their part that can make you uncomfortable. Here are the 10 phrases that grandparents should no longer say.
When baking a cake, sharing memories, or giving hugs, grandparents are the best. But they can also be clumsy and express certain inappropriate thoughts. Here are the phrases they should avoid.
“In my time…”
It is a fact: times have changed and the era in which grandparents lived is not the same as today. But by repeating this phrase, it gives the impression that they are glorifying the past and rejecting the current era (and all the positive things about it!).
Rather than comparing eras, grandparents can simply recount a memory, which will be more pleasant for everyone.
“You have a pretty girlfriend/boyfriend… this time!”
Some grandparents comment on their grandchildren’s love lives. And sometimes they even allow themselves to compare different boyfriends and girlfriends to each other. These jokes are inappropriate and create discomfort in the grandchildren, who feel judged and embarrassed about their love lives. They simply want their grandparents to welcome this person, without comment.
“When are you going to get married/have kids?”
This question is undoubtedly the most destabilizing, as it asks for private information about the life of a person/couple. Asking a question about this type of milestone in life puts pressure on young couples, who may not be ready. Grandparents who ask these kinds of questions can come across as intrusive. Better to let the person announce this good news when the time comes.
“You’re getting too old for this.”
Whether it is about a game or an activity, some grandparents lecture their grandchildren on the pretext that they are “too old” for it. This can only negatively influence the child and discourage him from continuing with what he was doing. On the contrary, it is better to let him have fun and enjoy his hobby, sharing his enthusiasm.
“Are you eating all this?/You’ve gotten so fat!”
Comments about grandchildren’s eating habits, portion sizes, weight gain, weight loss, or physical appearance can very easily trigger damaging insecurities. This can damage self-esteem and even encourage eating disorders in extreme cases.
It is therefore best for grandparents to avoid making comments about their grandchildren’s appearance or body.
“You’ll understand when you’re older/married/a parent”
This condescending phrase is actually just a way for grandparents to dismissively say: “You are too young and inexperienced to understand”. This ends any real dialogue and leaves the grandchild feeling invalidated in the face of their own opinion.
“We never did anything like that when I was your age.”
Each generation has its own cultural norms, its own styles and its own ways of doing things when they were young. Grandparents comparing their youth with that of their grandchildren makes no sense, given the way society evolves over time.
“You’re my favorite…don’t tell your cousins!”
Although it is often a joke, openly choosing a “favorite” grandchild can lead to jealousy and hurt the other grandchildren. They will wonder why they are not good enough. It is best for grandparents to avoid comments of this type, therefore.
“You’re just friends? Well, you make a cute couple!”
This may seem like a tease here again, but these words have the power to make anyone uncomfortable. While friendship too, has its importance, and it should be celebrated, as much as the couple.
“You have your whole life to be an adult – enjoy this lack of responsibility!”
While often well-intentioned, these statements minimize the very real stress, anxiety, and obstacles that children or teens face as they grow and become more independent. Grandparents should acknowledge these pressures rather than dismiss them out of hand.
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