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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
In a relationship, certain behaviors can be prohibitive. We often talk about those that women can’t stand, but what about men? Here are the little things that these gentlemen hate in the fairer sex when they are in a relationship. With the point of view of psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
It may be less talked about, but men also have expectations of their girlfriends. And certain attitudes are totally unacceptable. Here are 10, with insight from Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
Not making an effort to maintain the relationship
When you are in a relationship, you have to make a minimum of effort to maintain the relationship. This can involve small daily attentions or the organization of outings for two, for example. But not getting involved can be discouraging for a man. “A person who expresses their interest and feelings openly deserves attention in return. It will only strengthen the bond if the relationship is healthy” cconfirms Amélie Boukhobza.
Being vulgar or rude
If rudeness or vulgarity is part of your language, be careful, because it can harm your relationship! “Behaviors and words have an impact on relationships” believes the psychologist. “A rude, demeaning attitude can quickly affect mutual respect. But it is also important to say things clearly and express what hurts or bothers us in the other’s behavior” she advises.
Not having hobbies
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up everything. On the contrary, the absence of hobbies can be a negative point for some men. “The absence of hobbies or simply personal interests in a relationship can indeed create an imbalance, because one may feel obliged to be there for the other. Even feeling overwhelmed by the expectations of others, even supposed” explains the expert.
Not taking your share of responsibility
Taking care of tidying up, doing the shopping, paying a bill or admitting when you’re wrong… As a couple, you have to know how to take your share of responsibility. If not, it creates “a dynamic of double standards, where what is acceptable for one is not acceptable for the other. It’s an inconsistency that can lead to frustrations and feelings of injustice, harming trust and respect in the relationship.” notes Amélie Boukhobza.
Be demanding of others, but not of yourself
A girl who demands a list of qualities from her partner, but doesn’t make the same demands on herself can also scare men away. “In the context of online dating, it is clear that we cannot expect from the other without offering insight into our own personality and what we can offer to the relationship. The essence of the relationship is based on common fundamental values and respective compatible expectations, you still need to know them!” believes the psychologist.
Not communicating clearly
Girls who opt for silence and sulk, for example, instead of communicating clearly, are engaging in behavior that is a red flag for some men. “In a relationship, you have to say what’s on your heart and not leave certain subjects aside” advises Amélie Boukhobza. “Talking will not only allow you to get rid of it but also to finally be able to move on!” However, she also recalls, “iteveryone does what they can in the face of the suffering generated by a situation. Silence is not necessarily a manipulation to make the other bend.”
Being contemptuous of others
The way someone treats and views people is quite telling. “Regardless of the role, the status of the other person to whom we address: respect, kindness or contempt are a reflection of the fundamental values which form the basis of a person” inds the expert.
Devalue other women
Denigrating others to perhaps feel superior is not only harmful to the person targeted but can also reveal an underlying insecurity in the critic. “IIt is essential to value oneself outside of comparison with others.” explains Amélie Boukhobza. “The fact remains that rivalry between women does exist, we must learn to manage it“.
Don’t cut ties with your exes
“Bringing your exes into the current relationship is never a good idea in my opinion! The past is the past, otherwise it’s the present. Maintaining connections, particularly exchanges with your ex, can arouse jealousy in your partner, which is useless, in my opinion.” advises the psychologist.
Living through social networks
Spending your life posting content on social networks is also prohibitive for some men. “Posting every moment of life on Instagram takes away a certain charm and authenticity from the moment experienced” reminds the expert. Be careful to live in the present moment, without a phone in your hand.
Slide: 8 questions to ask your partner (and yourself) for a lasting relationship