When a baby is born, the people who can love and benefit the most are undoubtedly their parents. Parents use their opportunities in a beneficial way for their children. They go to work after sleepless nights, they give up many activities they enjoy, they entertain and take care of their children after they come tired.
PARENTS’ HAPPINESS IS REFLECTED TO THEIR CHILDREN
Their aim is to be with their children all the time, except for compulsory situations. However, they miss a very important point… To which organ does the heart pump blood first? Brain… Lungs… No! The heart first pumps blood to itself! If it does not pump blood to itself, it cannot pump blood to any other organ. It is the same in parenting, if you neglect yourself and become unhappy, this will also affect your children.
PARENTS SHOULD MAKE TIME WITH THEIR CHILDREN
One of the experts at DoktorTakvimi.com, Psk. Seyhan Türkmen Yalım underlines that today’s parents cannot spare even half an hour for an activity that they can enjoy between work and life stresses because they aim for the best and the most ideal for their children.
As a result of this, Psk pointed out that the person unconsciously thinks that he/she has a pleasant time with his/her baby and child at home with his/her negative energy. Yalım said, “However, he sometimes takes time for himself; He can spend more quality time with his child when he returns home after an activity that he may enjoy, such as walking in the open air, drinking coffee with a friend. You can even observe this situation from the energy of your child. The child, who is normally restless and cranky, becomes more comfortable with the positive energy coming from his parents.
IF YOUR BABY IS CRYING, TALK IN A CAFE AND CLEAN VOICE
One of the most common mistakes parents make is the thought of “the baby doesn’t understand”… However, even though a baby cannot make sense of many issues that develop around it from the mother’s womb, it records it in the subconscious with its emotions and knowledge. Even if the parents say “the little one cannot remember or understand” on behalf of their children for events such as accidents, fights, violence, moving, adoption, and death, all of these events are recorded in the child’s subconscious.
Saying that when a baby is born, he tries to define his surroundings more than an adult, Psk. Yalım explains this situation as follows: “For example; When a baby goes out of his routine for more than a day, he gets stressed. This is why, when a baby goes on vacation with his family, his sleep and eating patterns may be disrupted or he may get sick. The baby, who is seen as not understanding, is stressed because he has gone out of his routine. Here, the parent can express that they understand the baby’s anxiety in a gentle and calm tone. When people are stressed, a stress hormone called adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) is released in their body. Babies instinctively cry to get this hormone out of their body and to relax. If a baby cries due to stress other than physical needs (hunger, wetness, pain and fever), the parent should tenderly allow the baby to regulate himself until he calms down. Instead of suppressing the child’s crying, such as attracting attention to other things, taking him around, talking with compassion, talking to him that he is afraid, that he understands his feelings, and making sensual contact with him should make his baby feel that his child is safe.
CHILDREN LEARN BY EXPERIENCE
As the baby they bring into the world grows, the issues that parents have difficulty in dealing with also change. At the beginning of these, there are issues such as refusal to eat, sleep, TV tablet time, collecting toys, not wanting to go home from the park, not wanting to go to kindergarten, stubbornness.
Sometimes, although parents patiently explain to their children what needs to be done, why, and what might happen, they do not get results. The child may still exhibit the same undesirable behaviors. Ps. Seyhan Türkmen Yalım explains that this is due to the lack of words in children’s language of communication: “Children cannot understand verbal expressions because they think concretely. When adults talk at length, they think the child understands. However, children learn by experience! Even if we say to a child “Don’t touch it hot, you’ll burn” over and over again, the child tries to touch that hot object again. Here, the parent should give the opportunity to experience that heat by holding the hand of the child under his own control. It is more effective for the child to learn by experience that the object is dangerous than to be told repeatedly by the parent.”
NOT LIMITING A CHILD IS THE GREATEST EVIL THAT CAN BE DONE TO HER
Ps. Yalim says parents can start setting limits on their kids after they’re 24 months old. Emphasizing that the limits and the determination within these limits will make the child feel safe, Psk. Yalım said, “Not setting limits on a child is the worst thing that can be done to him. One day, a parent may make an alternative to a dish that the child does not like, while another day he may be angry with his child for not eating. Because, due to the nature of the human being, sometimes the feelings of the parents can naturally reach undesirable levels. In order to prevent this, there must be borders and stability must be ensured.”
THE RULES ARE TEACHED IN THREE STEPS
Stating that there are three steps to teach the rules to ensure order when there is a crisis with the child, one of the experts of DoktorTakvimi.com, Psk. Seyhan Türkmen Yalım explains the first step as mirroring, that is, the parent looking at the event from the child’s mind.
Reminding that questions such as why he refuses to do what you say, why he does not want to do it, why he gives this reaction, Psk, who reminds him, that questions should be answered from the eyes of the child. Yalım continues: “When you guess the answers, express to your child in his/her language that you understand them without judging them. Every individual who feels understood without being judged opens the doors of communication. Never ask the child “Why? Why?” Don’t ask questions like Even if you make your child feel that you understand and accept in the mirroring stage, do not neglect the second stage, setting boundaries.
As a confident and determined parent, clearly state the rule that should be one sentence at most. In step 3, make him choose. Allow the child to experience responsibility for the choice they make by giving them the right to choose either negative or positive using ‘you’ language. Remember that there is no democratic relationship between parent and child. A democracy cannot be expected in life where a child whose right or wrong mechanism has not reached a certain maturity yet says, “I will only eat chocolate,” and the parent allows him to choose it.”
GIVE YOUR CHILD THE RIGHT TO CHOICE
Ps. Seyhan Türkmen Yalım explains these three steps with an example: “You cooked spinach for dinner, but your child wants to eat pasta instead of spinach. In that case, look through his window first. For example, say that spinach looks bad to your eyes, and you don’t want to eat it because you don’t like its smell, and accept the fact that it is. Then you can say, “You should eat two spoons of this spinach by setting a limit”.
From the selection stage, he said, “You can either eat two spoons of spinach and then eat the pasta. Or you don’t eat spinach and stop eating the things you love tonight. Which one do you choose?” You should make the child experience taking responsibility for the choice he/she makes. Children should be made to feel understood, accepted, and limits should be set and choices should be offered. If the child uses his right to make a negative choice, the responsibility for this should also be given to the child. There is no bad parenting, but there is bad parenting. Behaviors that we think are right and that we do with good intentions towards our children can harm them in the long run. It is necessary to set boundaries for children, but set this limit as it should be.”