You want to cheer up a friend or colleague, but if it’s with this kind of argument, you’d better refrain: here is a sample of “toxic” phrases that far from comforting people depressed, may make them even sadder or angry.
When we face difficulties or seek comfort, we are often surrounded by well-meaning people who try to cheer us up. However, sometimes certain so-called positive phrases fail to comfort us. Although they may seem encouraging at first glance, they can actually belittle our emotions and fail to meet our needs. So, if you have a loved one who is not doing very well for any reason, avoid telling them:
1. “Look on the bright side!”
Yes, you may want to show him that all is not so bad. But this sentence can give the impression that our negative emotions are not valid, that he has no right to feel sad or angry. It is necessary to recognize and accept our feelings before we can overcome them.
2. “Everything happens for a reason”
This sentence may seem comforting to some, but to others it may seem meaningless. Difficult experiences can be confusing and looking for a reason can seem futile. Sometimes it’s better to offer a listening ear than to seek deeper meaning. Life can be unfair and it is better to know how to recognize it…
3. “It could be worse”
Comparing our problems to more serious hypothetical situations does not reduce the pain we feel. Every person has the right to feel their emotions and to express them, regardless of what might have happened.
4. “Just be positive”
Positivity is important, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore our negative emotions. We need to empower everyone to feel and process their emotions authentically, without judgment. And being positive is not “enough” to make every painful situation bearable.
5. “There’s always someone more unhappy than you.”
While this may be true, it does not alleviate individual suffering. Each person experiences their own trials and thinking about those of others does not compensate for ours, except to add a dose of guilt…
6. “It’ll pass, you’ll see”
Although difficult times may eventually pass, this phrase may seem to lessen the severity of our present emotions. It is important to offer continued support and understanding rather than suggesting that everything will magically go away. This is unfortunately not always the case, some events change a life forever. And even if everything could pass, the person is suffering right now, you cannot pretend that the present does not exist.
7. “Come on, be strong!”
This sentence can give the impression that we have to carry the burden in a solitary way. Sometimes it’s better to encourage emotional expression and offer a shoulder to lean on than to wait for unwavering strength. This injunction to have courage, contrary to what one might think, is not too comforting. Prefer “it’s hard, I know, and you can count on me”.
When trying to comfort someone, it is essential to remember that each individual is different and we need to be sensitive to their emotional needs. Actively listening, showing empathy and offering unconditional support can often be far more comforting than canned phrases that can sometimes, even with the best intentions in the world, make the situation worse.