Published on
updated on
Reading 4 min.
Breaking up is never a pleasant thing, but this event in one’s life is not “only” painful. Most of the time, these breakups also teach us more about ourselves and what we no longer want. Here are 8 types of breakups… and their lessons
There is not one way to leave each other, but several. And according to John Kim, a therapist and author familiar with the issue, there are even eight types of romantic breakups that we can experience. Eight different ways to suffer? Not only that, because according to him, these strong emotional moments are also an opportunity to understand what has escaped you, and to change your perspectives, to better envisage the future. What are these eight breakups, and do they concern you? Let’s take a look around.
The “big” break in your life
We almost all know this one. It’s the one that puts an end to this ideal, strong relationship, which we thought would last forever. Generally, this is THE breakup that will become your reference for all others, the one that leaves a deep emotional imprint in your heart.
What it teaches you: For the therapist, this type of breakup forces you to confront your attachment styles and your emotional triggers. She teaches you to stop romanticizing the past and, instead, start the real work of healing…and real life.
The surprise breakup
As the name suggests, this breakup is one that seems to come from nowhere. For a while everything is fine, you even plan for the future, and then it’s over, or so you find out. It’s the breakup you didn’t see coming, and the shock is as devastating as the end of the relationship itself.
What it teaches you: The surprise breakup reminds us that although we think we can control our relationships, we can never completely predict or control the actions of others. “It teaches us the importance of developing our resilience emotional and not relying solely on our relationship for our self-esteem. Although you can’t control what happens to you, you can control how you heal and how you choose to move forward.” reminds the therapist.
The “soft” breakup
This one on the other hand, you both saw it coming! What more can I say? You don’t have much to blame each other for, but the spark has gone out, the connection is gone, and you’re both just pretending until you realize it’s time to end it.
What it teaches you : this breakup is a reminder that relationships require ongoing effort and care to stay vibrant. But sometimes, despite your best efforts, things naturally fizzle out. This type of breakup also shows you that it’s okay to walk away when a relationship no longer suits you and that you need to listen to your emotional needs.
Breaking up after cheating
It is a violent breakup, because it induces a betrayal: that of deception or abandonment for another person. The trust you built is broken and the emotional consequences can be unbearable. Betrayal runs deep and often causes you to question not only your relationship, but also your self-esteem.
What it teaches you: even a violent breakup can have its benefits (yes, yes). This teaches you the crucial importance of trust and limits not to be crossed in a relationship, which is crucial for you. Recovering from this type of breakup means rediscovering your strength, rebuilding your self-esteem, and ultimately learning to trust again, first in yourself and, ultimately, in others.
The “drama” breakup
Like a TV series, here you are in a breakup full of drama. There are cries, tears, reproaches, sometimes in public. It’s often a breakup filled with unresolved feelings, emotional manipulation, and explosive reactions. It leaves you emotionally drained and exhausted from the ups and downs.
What it teaches you: The breakup drama is often a lesson in one’s own emotional limits. “It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, but this breakup reminds you that you deserve peace, not chaos.” indicates the therapist. It also pushes you to think about why you were attracted to such volatility in the first place and how you can avoid getting trapped in a similar dynamic in the future.
The “quasi-breakup” of the relationship
You guys were never officially “together,” but you feel like you are. Maybe you’ve talked for months, shared deep emotional connections, or even slept together regularly, but you never took the next step. Still, when it ends, it can be as painful as a real breakup.
What it teaches you: In itself, this painful breakup should teach you the importance of clarity and boundaries. “It’s easy to fall into the gray area of undefined relationships, but you deserve someone who is fully interested in you.”. This breakup highlights the need for both parties to be on the same page emotionally and teaches you to advocate for your needs in any future relationship.
The breakup that never ends
Break up, start again, break up again… Sometimes the end of a story can last months, maybe even years in a cycle that seems endless. Although there are intense emotions, there is also instability and a lack of growth.
What it teaches you: This break is a wake-up call to examine your habits. Why do you keep coming back? What unresolved issues are you avoiding? This never-ending breakup forces you to think about your emotional boundaries and prioritizes your own well-being. This is a difficult lesson, but essential to avoid repeating this dysfunction.
Divorce
Divorce is more than a breakup. It’s the dismantling of a life you built together, which also imposes legal battles, financial problems and often involves children. Divorce feels like it completely destroys everything you thought you knew, and it can take years to overcome the emotional and practical challenges it brings.
What it teaches you: Despite everything, divorce teaches you to be resilient and reinvent yourself. It forces you to rebuild, from scratch and rediscover who you are outside of marriage. The therapist sees this as the opportunity to rebuild your life, this time on your own terms.
A way of seeing things that can do good and move forward more peacefully.
Slide: The keys to getting over a breakup