There are 5 types of one-sided love, and they can do you more harm than good, study finds

Is there a worse hurt than loving someone who doesn’t love you? Underneath this lyrical question, however, lies a reality: we all happen in our lives to be attached to a person who does not really love us in return. An unpleasant situation, which can create a real emotional imbalance, and sometimes a heavy psychological cost, preventing us from moving forward. What are the patterns that can lose us? Science has determined 5 types of one-sided love. Psychology Today listed them from the most innocuous to the most dramatic.

Parasocial love

Parasocial love is the one, for example, that we will explore in adolescence. It involves having a crush on an unattainable person, such as a celebrity or public figure who is essentially out of reach. We can, however, talk about love: a study published in Frontiers In Psychology in 2021 has indeed revealed that people can form strong bonds with fictional characters and, therefore, with the actors who portray them, even if these relationships are inherently one-sided. However, and not surprisingly, the chance of forming a real relationship in this case is slim to none, even if the lover goes to a book signing. The connection remains asymmetrical. Which can in some cases create distress if the emotional investment is high.

A crush on someone close to you

Sometimes we develop a crush on someone physically close to us, such as a co-worker, classmate, or neighbor. According to researchers, it is even the most common type of unrequited love of all. Unlike parasocial love, this type of one-sided love involves real, albeit limited, interactions with the object of affection. Moreover, it is proximity that can amplify feelings of attraction… without the target person even being aware of it! Unfortunately, these feelings can often lead to frustration. The desire to go further often conflicts with the fear of rejection, leading to a cycle of uncertainty and emotional turmoil.

Actively looking for a romantic relationship

This type of unrequited love occurs when a person becomes infatuated with another person and decides to pursue them romantically, because they believe in the possible pairing. The pursuit can be subtle, with small gestures, increased interaction, or ambiguous hints… but can also involve more direct actions, like explicitly asking the person out.

However, the person being courted does not always recognize or share these feelings, leading to a mismatch between emotions and relationship expectations. This often sets off an emotional roller coaster for the pursuer, especially if they set their sights on maintaining a potential relationship. So, yes! In some cases, this quest can lead to a reciprocal relationship, where initial unrequited love develops into mutual affection over time, but this depends on various factors, such as the other person’s emotional availability, attraction mutuality, shared interests and clear communication between both parties. Also be careful not to turn into harassment.

The desire to get back together with an ex

Another form of unrequited love is persistent desire for a former romantic partner. When a relationship ends, the dissolution may not be mutual, leaving one partner still emotionally invested and engaged. The deep familiarity and interdependence that has developed over the course of the relationship makes it difficult for the neglected partner to move on. This can create hope of rekindling the relationship, even if it is no longer viable. Unfortunately, this is often just an illusion. According to a study published in 2016, lack of the person themselves, fear of being single or feeling unworthy of love can be at the origin of this type of desire.

An unequal romantic relationship

One-sided love, in a couple, is undoubtedly the most tragic form. So, even when a romantic relationship is established, there may be differences in the intensity or nature of love between partners. This is what we call “quantitative asymmetry” and it can be the cause of strong tensions, or even a feeling of sadness or unease. Certainly, love can be multifaceted, encompassing passion, intimacy, commitment, attachment, or sexuality. But when partners are misaligned in these areas (such as when one desires more passion, the other seeks deeper commitment), the imbalance can lead to frustration on all levels.

When it comes to unrequited love, the hardest thing to admit is that the unavailable person is not the person for you. But it is on your side that you will probably have to dig deeper to find out why this is happening to you. “Clinging to someone who can’t or won’t share your feelings often reflects a deeper need to examine your relationship with yourself.” the study indicates. Do you seek validation or avoid facing your own fears or insecurities by focusing on an emotionally unavailable person?

Although we can’t always choose the person we like, choosing to cling to unrequited love can prevent you from opening yourself to new possibilities. So the first thing to do is to recognize that you deserve a relationship in which the love is mutual, passionate and fulfilling is an act of self-love. “When you stop chasing someone who isn’t right for you, you make room for someone who will.” concludes the media.

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