There are comments that may offend or hurt. And some can impact those who hear them for a very long time.
It is not always easy to address everyone, all the time, with sensitivity and empathy. Sometimes our words go further than our thoughts, fatigue prevents us from being lucid and we say hurtful sentences. The most important thing in these cases – all psychology experts will tell you – is to realize it and, as far as possible, apologize to the people you have offended, even if It’s about children.
There are also comments and sentences that are not really the result of clumsiness. Some words are actually considered toxic by psychologists and academics who have made the study of human behavior their profession. Specialist Gina Barreca, from the University of Connecticut, has listed in Psychology Today the 10 “worst phrases” that can be introduced into a conversation.
These are comments that are regularly made, according to her, by “experts in manipulation”, or “narcissists”. They generally cause anxiety and can quickly lead to a hurtful situation. If the first can be considered the worst, it depends on each person’s sensitivity, one of them should in any case remind you of a confusing situation:
“I am the only one who has the courage to tell you what everyone is saying behind your back”: this statement aims to sow discord and manipulate.
“We should talk. Honestly”: a conversation starting like this always leads to an argument or a tense moment.
“Sit down, are you ready to hear what I have to say?” : this preamble creates unnecessary suspense and increases the stress of the listener.
“In my humble opinion”: Using this phrase can be perceived as condescending and self-serving.
“No offense”: Preceding criticism in this way does not make the message any less offensive.
“Look, there’s something you should know”: This phrase generates apprehension because it implies a potentially disturbing revelation.
“I must warn you: you will not like what I am going to say”: predicting discontent creates a negative climate.
“Wait, I’m just being honest”: Using honesty as an excuse for hurtful comments doesn’t make the situation better.
“With all due respect”: Preceding criticism in this way does not make it any less hurtful.
“I thought about something you said about me a long time ago, and although you may not remember it, it has bothered me ever since”: Reviving old wounds is not constructive for the conversation.
It is essential to become aware of these “conversational tactics” so as not to let yourself be manipulated. What to do when you hear these phrases? You can express your discomfort and ask to get to the point. For example, saying, “You’re making me nervous. Can we get to the point right away?” This is an honest and direct approach that reduces the drama of the conversation.
Don’t let these toxic phrases impact you. Learn to recognize the intentions behind words. Take back control of your conversations, and remember: honesty should not hurt.