Starting from a good feeling, it reinforces the feeling of shame and guilt.
Depression is a psychological illness that is more widespread than we think. In France, it affects nearly 1 in 5 people according to Santé Publique France. Insidious and often invisible, depression combines feelings of guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness, anxiety and helplessness. This phase of great suffering impacts all spheres of life: social, professional, family and love. For those around you, it is not always easy to know how to react well to a depressed person and how to support them well. We often feel helpless and we can, without meaning to, utter awkward sentences which can worsen our discomfort.
This is particularly the case of “It will pass in the end”, “You have no reason to be depressed, some people have it worse than you” or even “If I were in your place, here is what I would do”. “We must avoid sentences that minimize suffering, those that compare emotions and advice that is based on personal stories.” explains Dr. Julie Smith, clinical psychologist. The person experiencing depression risks feeling guilty and feeling even worse. The best thing to do is to “always ask permission before giving advice“. But according to the psychologist, there is an even worse sentence that absolutely should not be said to someone who is depressed. This sentence may come from a good feeling, however, it reinforces the feeling of shame and guilt , she says on his Instagram account. The sentence in question is “You don’t look depressed”, suggesting that unhappiness is not really taken seriously. Classically, when we think of someone experiencing depression, we imagine a person who is sad, who sulks, cries or never smiles. However, the person can hide their discomfort with a smile, jokes, a joy of living as if everything was fine, which makes depression difficult to detect and therefore makes treatment complicated. This is called “smiling depression.”
“Sadness is masked by a smile, like a form of conditioning and muzzling. The smile and the outward facade are a defense mechanism here and an attempt to mask true feelings“, psychologist Aline Nativel Id Hammou explained to us in a previous article. It is therefore essential not to judge someone’s mental and emotional health in relation to what it reveals, to encourage dialogue and suggest to consult a health professional, showing listening, understanding and non-judgment.