The follow-up of a therapy has become an essential criterion in the search for love

On dating apps, it’s all about criteria. Age, height, professional situation, astrological sign… But also psychological monitoring. Many Internet users declare on social networks that they want their partner to have seen a therapist, before considering a potential romantic relationship with him. “All men should be required to go to therapy before getting into a relationship with someone”says one of them on Twitter.

This new amorous injunction particularly finds an echo on TikTok, the social network of the younger generations. The hashtag #allmenneedtherapy (“all men need therapy”, in French) counts nearly 6 million views. Internet users often use it in videos where they list the behaviors or remarks that repel them in a man. This dynamic is reminiscent of that of red flagsthose red flags used on Twitter to indicate a problematic situation.

While some TikTok users take the #allmenneedtherapy hashtag seriously, others do so for humorous purposes. Some of them stage themselves whispering things over their spouse’s phone. But they don’t whisper anything and everything: they just repeat the word several times “therapy”. This original staging would aim to influence the targeted advertisements that their half will see appear on the Internet, and to bring up those related to mental health.

Men’s mental health is still a taboo subject

This craze around the mental well-being of men (and not only) goes beyond the borders of social networks to reach dating sites and applications. One of them, Hinge, announced in May the launch of a new feature that will allow its users to speak more freely about their mental health with the chosen one (or chosen ones) of their heart. They can now indicate, in their profile, how they would have completed sentences like “My friends ask me for advice on…”, “One of my limitations is…”, “My self-care routine consists of…” or “My psychologist would say I’m…”

For Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hingethis new feature shows how important singles today are to their mental well-being, as well as that of their partner. “Talking about mental health has gone from an ‘oh no’ to a must-have in modern dating”she said in a statement. “People have worked on themselves and want to be with someone who has done the same”.

Hinge found it with its users: 97% of them want to date someone who takes “actively care” of his mental health. But only 9% are comfortable talking about their therapy on a first date.

If the dating app hasn’t indicated what proportion of men are behind these stats, chances are it’s not very significant. Many studies have shown that members of the male sex often neglect their mental health, especially if they are heterosexual. They tend to seek less medical attention if they suffer from depression than gay and bisexual men, according to a 2016 study.

The onset of the Covid-19 pandemic has only amplified this phenomenon, especially among young men. So it’s no surprise that some singles want their potential significant other to follow their lead and see a psychologist. “Shortly after going to therapy for a long time, I realized that I used to date men who hadn’t really come to terms with their traumas or past experiences. I often felt like I had to bear the emotional weight”explained a 25-year-old Briton to The Face.

However, many are aware that embarking on therapy is an extremely personal decision, and that it is in no way a miracle solution. They do not hesitate to have fun on social networks. “Men would rather make a niche in a parking space than go to therapy”, writing thus a surfer on Twitter. Another one affirms that “men literally dress up as bats to fight criminals and bad guys at night instead of going to therapy”in reference to Batman.