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Is your teenager old enough to start going on “dates”? Don’t panic! If, as a parent, you may fear this step, here is advice from a psychologist on the red flags to teach them, to avoid starting a potentially toxic relationship.
Whether online, via social networks or in real life, adolescents are encouraged to meet people. It is in fact at this age that the first more or less serious relationships begin, and it is your duty, as a parent, to teach them what is acceptable or not in a relationship.
Teaching them not to trust instantly
Young people are often carefree and will quickly give their trust, whether to friends, a potential partner or even on social networks, by interacting with people they do not know. “Without really knowing the person, adolescents will make a judgment on the trust that we can have in them, through their gestures or their appearance. indicates psychologist Cheralyn Leeby on the site Psychology Today. “It is important to teach our teenagers that confidence is not just a feeling but something that must be earned over time. So teach him to listen to his feelings because very often, our inner voice reveals things to us.”
Learn to recognize unhealthy profiles
The expert goes on to explain that adolescents must also learn to recognize unhealthy attitudes that may emanate from the people they meet. “By learning to detect these signals, the adolescent will know that he will have to say ‘no’ to any offer or invitation coming from this type of person.”. According to the psychologist, we must be wary of two main types of personalities:
- People with antisocial personality disorder : these people are characterized by behavior which “disregards the rights of others”, which includes “deception, impulsiveness, aggressiveness and a lack of remorse” explains the psychologist. “They are often manipulative people who exploit others without a shadow of a feeling of guilt”;
- People suffering from narcissistic personality disorder : “These people have a vital need for admiration and sorely lack empathy.” further details Cheralyn Leeby. “These are people who feel special, have a need for admiration and an arrogance that makes them condescending“. These people are also usually “envious and have a superficial charm, which serves them to manipulate others for their own ends, without regard for their well-being.
Red flags to teach your teenager
Obviously, the expert concedes, only an authorized health professional can make this type of personality diagnosis. However, as a parent, you can teach your teen some red flags that will show him or her that he or she should run away. The psychologist quotes:
- The way the other person speaks about himself (or herself): be careful about this, she advises. “Does the person use grandiose nicknames or talk about themselves in the third person? This can show an oversized ego“notes the specialist. Physical appearance can also give clues”with the emphasis on designer clothing, accessories or tattoos” ;
- His look: if the other frequently wears sunglasses, for no medical reason, be suspicious. “Hiding the eyes may indicate that the other person does not want to reveal their true intentions. adds the psychologist. “Remember that trust is built on an open connection, and avoiding eye contact can signal secrecy or dishonesty”;
- His approach or his presence : “Observe how the person behaves around others. Does she overtake everyone in a line? Is he walking far ahead of you? These attitudes can show a lack of empathy and respect.” ;
- Their coping skills : “How does this person handle a stressful situation? Do they use alcohol? Drugs? Observing the other’s behavior in this type of situation is revealing” says Cheralyn Leeby again. “And remember that actions speak louder than words”;
- Behavior with those around you : Finally, observe how he or she treats those who are not in his or her immediate entourage, such as a waiter for example. Does he show kindness or, on the contrary, does he adopt a disdainful behavior? “Someone who mistreats or ridicules people they don’t know often reveals a lack of empathy and respect, behaviors that can quickly spread to those closer to them.” warns the psychologist. “Simple acts like holding doors, smiling sincerely and waiting your turn are, on the contrary, a demonstration of humility and respect.
“By teaching adolescents to recognize the first signs of unhealthy behavior, we can give them the means to form safe, supportive relationships based on mutual respect” concludes the psychologist.
Slide: What are 10 signs you are in a toxic relationship?